honesty_kills unhinged a wise man, a whole science, once said that you only see what you are looking for and maybe while i convince myself that i am looking for love i am truly looking for disappointment something to wallow in something to let myself continue to be 'dark and moody' but when someone forgets to tell me important details about themselves until one day they are casually mentioned and then as quickly forgotten about it kills something in me of how i used to view them i am honest to a fault but only scared to tell you how much i care i could probably lie about that and maybe you were scared that i was affecting the little secret you kept i am always looking ultimately for honesty disclosure that knows no bounds someone i could tell anything to and someone that could tell anything to me but when they leave out 'small' details it just kills me 020302 ... Mateo I can see that unhinged. I feel that too, it is born from the knowledge that no matter how much you try you will never really know anybody. Also, we are scared of our own secrets, and we feel that if we could tell them with no danger of any judgement (only achieved with mutual confidence) then we will be free of them. 020302 ... dead already god-fucking-damn-it, this is one of the truest statements one could ever make. 020303 ... emo There was once a day that i thought that i felt love. For it was this sting. a pin. a deep overwhelming feeling..it took me by the arm, the shoulder, the mind. and overwhelmed me. it was all i could think of all the time. how i was connected to this person. This wonderful bright full person. i no longer had anything at stake. it wasn't a battle, or a struggle, or a fight. i was in love. that was the day i thought i fell in love. i was wrong. wrong in the way that a person left their courage to go on , and keep their own head on their shoulders without someone there to hold it up for you. i realize today, that feeling was letting go. of everything i had ever known of myself. to that point. i openend up my chest, naked and vonerable and said to,"do your worst." and my gaurds were all down. we went a long way together. and for i praise him and the same man, has taken away all i believe. in a single moment. i cant hardly wait to see him again. only to have my heart beaten to a pull yet again. I can't believe that i have left myself so wide open to you. So vunerable. so honest. honesty kills. it was like staring into a flame. its light burns bright white while its lit and after its extinguished i still have the translucent image of its brightness in my sight. i can not forget you. i try every night to sleep and toss and turn. and think, damn this thought. over and over. incesently damning me to thoughts of you and i , here in this bed together. All this idealized almost into a person , of god like status , i have created in place of you to keep me holding on to one who so gracefully left my life....with out a missguided step. not one slip of the tougne. you said everything quite right. you didn't stop you didn't change your mind...like at the momment....i know i thought you would. something to make you turn around and come flying into my arms again. you didn't even look back. just walked out the door. "please don't leave. we've seen so much. now im going blind. its hard enough for me. we could start over again...." 020304 ... unhinged i think you were the death of me. 021222 ... girl_jane He asked me if I'd ever seen Liar, Liar. And we talked about what if everybody always told the truth. I said a lot of people would be hurt-they'd get used to it-and become bitter and cynical. We both agreed that people are mostly bad-and that that fact is sad-but that fact that not all people suck was hopeful... 021222 ... desert-rose yes, people are bad for the most part, but if you ask any individual what their self perception is, they won't see themselves as bad, for example, i've done many things wrong, but i don't see my self as a bad person, the good that i do more than compensates for my evil paths, the real irony behind it all is that it matters not how much good idea, to the ones i do wrong but once, that's all they remember 021223 ... desert-rose idea=i do, whooops 021223 ... jane i thought conversations kill [driving faster in my car] 030712 ... nomme truth_frills cheap_thrills window_sills freedom_pills water_bills 030713 ... . . 041219 ... gemaniacal yes but do you trust in the very beginning? all the secrets will bring down the curtain over your eyes anyway whether you hear it tomorrow or today you still went away I gave open everything and was punished for who I am a sunshiny betrayal 041219 ... three words honesty_kills the_roots belligerent 050321 ... grendel but typically only when it has the momentum of a long-held lie behind it 050322 what's it to you? who go blather from