where_were_you Rhin Dear God, I want to say something to you. I often think about you and your existence. I have never understood you, and in fact, I have never forgiven you, and I'm not sure if I ever will. Growing up in the bible belt, you know it's a given, that religion is a staple of everyone's life here. I had a strict upbringing. The only thing that was missing...that was always missing was you! If you exist, then where the fuck were you??? Where were you, during my childhood, when I grew up watching my father beat my brother time and time again. How many times did I cradle my older brother's head in my lap, carressing his broken ribs, or sitting with him in our hideout, disenfecting the bleading wounds, streaking down his back, like something out of Rosewood? Where were you when my father turned on me, punching me in the face, and my stomach over and over again, into unconsiousness? Where were you when, as a teen, I had to physically take my father on, to protect my mother? Where were you when I finally left home, only to take up with Satan's twin brother for three years. Where were you when he split my ribcage and tore every muscle in my chest? Where were you when he finally decided it was his mission to kill me? He still stalks me to this day. Where were you when you took the most wonderful man I have ever known? I somehow seem to stay so positive in life, and I love so many things, but the credit goes to me, not you. I'm taking care of me! I am! I never talk to you. I never pray to you, because you don't make deals, so what is the point? You will tell me, thus which does not break me, will only make me stronger. You think I am strong enough in character to handle all of this? Are you testing me? "He's testing you! He's testing you!" Where are you God? Where are you this time? You're not testing me, you're trying to fucking kill me! If you exist, then where are you, because I would like to know!?!? One more thing...I can take care of myself, damnit!!! 001212 ... god i am a fuckup. i'm a lazy selfish piece of shit that doesn't deserve your attention. i'm not sure that i'm sane. i've made horrible mistakes (organized religion is near the top of the list). sounds like i fucked you over. here's an apology, even though you probably won't accept. i will leave you be. 001213 ... tourist God Dog! The things that fall through the cracks! A hell of a way to run things, To wind it up and let her Rip! Trapped like rats On this sinking Ship! My hearts torn out for you Though you're rather Hip, In spite of all your torment, Warrior Rhin! 001213 ... Rhin Dear God, Your not a fuck-up! I feel like I should apologize to you. It's in my nature not to hurt anyone. You are considered to be selfless to so many people in the world. These people need you, even if at the moment, I don't. You see, whether you exist or not, you give people something to have faith in. Something that is a constant. To them, you are something good, in a world full of chaos. They need the spiritualism they get from you, to give their life a foundation. However, for me, I get those things from myself, from my love for humanity, and the earth. I find peace with that, and that is what we all really want, isn't it? If thinking of everything I do, every day of my life, actually helps me sleep at night, then more power to me. You know, I never would have thought God to give up, on one of his 'lost little lambs'... However, can I keep you on the back burner? I try never to burn my bridges...just in case! *laughing* 001213 ... j_blue i would come home and wait for your call. hoping you would be saying "i'll be right there" but expecting you to say "i'll be home late," or "i'm going out to have a few drinks with the guys." i would go to bed alone those nights. the nights when you did come home, it was dinner, tv, and smoke till you passed out on the couch. i would go to bed alone those nights too. that was my marriage. then i left you. i dont go home and wait for you anymore. well, sometimes i do. i wish you had never left me alone. i wish we were together. i wish you were there to help me with my dull aches of loneliness and not just my sharp pains. promises of togetherness only work when their mutual, one breaker is as good as two. 001213 ... nemo when we we were getting high? 100424 ... unhinged everytime that song came on, he would put my name 'where were you when nicole was getting high?' 100424 what's it to you? who go blather from