jessi silentbob love 020213 ... little wonder speechless 020213 ... jessica rose Big screen dolls Tits and explosions Sleepy time Bashful but nude Little wonder then Little wonder You little wonder Little wonder you 020310 ... silentbob is that a song of some variety? 020310 ... misstree david bowie, is it not? 020310 ... little wonder it is indeed 020310 ... silentbob When I get home I text you, re: infatuation that earlier this summer when we went to that reading in wicker_park I was really attracted to you and that I was wondering why you were "being hot." You say you are flattered and it is good to know. I overanalyze. 140117 ... silentbob "I read your thing but I am kind of drunk so everything sounded amazing." 140117 ... silentbob "you don't even have to cartoonishly bat your eye lashes at me!" 140122 ... silentbob We worked for hours in the soundproof production studio cutting together our interview with julia. We discussed the ways in which we work together as a team and it felt very productive. But I couldn't help but wonder what it would be to linger on your face a time, to touch the slender frame under baggy clothes, to make you sigh out with joy. Someday you will be single. It's possible it was all in_my_own_head but I swore on your face you could feel it too. 140126 ... silentbob We sat at Dillman's in the velvet chairs, ordered a burger, truffle mac and cheese, mashed potatos and fries. I ate the pickle and talked about wanting to get off okcupid. You did not indicate a rift with your boyfriend. You did talk about Eugene and how you may want to bang him if not for the fact that he was stumbling through his thirties and awkwardly executing a platonic friendship with you. That and your boyfriend. You said you just liked male attention and diagnosed yourself as getting validation from it. You did not sound proud of that. I wanted to give you male attention and thought of how I figured into this. You referred to, like, three people who were potentially interested in, and how that was different from your relationship with adam, with whom all men disappeared into a vacuum when you were with him. Not anymore. And I wondered if I was one of them. I think i'd have to be. But you said you'd never dated someone you were friends with. It always started off sexual and then became friendship or nothing, never or rarely the reverse. I wanted to be an exception. We discussed white people and how awful they are. And how we should learn to take jokes when we get a gentle ribbing, since white people will still be white after the ribbing and oh aren't we all so sensitive. I said I should probably go and you apologized and I wanted to cup your face in my hand and touch your hair. We talked about the other food we will eat in the future. The future hangs. One day you will be single, and it will just be natural. Moves will be made. And maybe you will say no and then we'll stay friends, but it will have been worth it. 140219 ... silentbob At the staff meeting you told me that you and he said "I love you" for the first time. I tried not to show my disappointment. It was couched in a story about how he said cruel things to you about your emotional problems and not having parents that love you and how you started crying and told him that was a sore area and how he shouldn't say things like that to you. And he asked you what it mattered anyway because you were just going to get famous and forget him and you said "I'm not going to do that because I love you" and he said it back. 140220 ... silentbob We talked about going to the bar but you wanted to see if Eugene was going. And you drove us and I gave you directions and I left my umbrella in your car. And you sat with Eugene, just the two of you and it seemed so private and I stood awkwardly, alone at first, and then with jenn and shelby and this dude matt who is not worth my time. Eventually I came over and sat with you because oh my god you guys seriously i am so bored. And you paid attention to me again. I was leaving but I needed my umbrella and you came out to let me in and I asked what was going on with Eugene, and you said you were having intense conversations / doing emotional work to be ok again. Because he was scared of his feelings for you and, while you are in a good place in your relationship, you also have feelings for him. And you admitted this to each other, but and so you would continue to have a friendship. And I selfishly felt robbed, because all of this was what I thought you and I were doing. And I tried not to feel entitled to you but I kind of felt that way and I think it's because I'm a Scorpio or because of mercury_in_retrograde or something, (but I literally don't know what else I could have done aside from blurted out my feelings for you which seems stupid, but now I think your backup plan is Eugene instead of me and it makes me crazy) but I thanked you for the ride and I hugged you and you said to text you when I got home and I shivered as all my romantic_prospects crumbled to the ground. 140220 ... silentbob "I think you are like me in that at any given time you have crushes on seven different people. It is hard to have a heart what pumps blood." 140221 ... silentbob You slept with Eugene but haven't broken up with Ernie yet. Fucking Eugene. 140305 ... silentbob Yesterday you said you were breaking up with Ernie and you might just be alone for a month as you transition from Ernie to Eugene. I told you to text me when it was done so I know he didn't murder you or something. And that if you needed somewhere to take refuge for any reason, you could let me know. 140307 what's it to you? who go blather from