you_made_your_bed dafremen You Made Your Bed Now Lie In It A Mini-Play by R.Dafremen BIG BUSINESS: Hmmm. Research indicates that if we show self indulgent, impulsive people repeatedly on TV, the public is more likely to buy our products. And if we sell conveniences over and over, eventually people will forget how to do things for themselves and they'll buy more of our services! Let's do it! ..decades later.. UNION WORKER: Hey! MY bills are too high because I can't stop myself from buying stuff! I want everything I saw the happy people on T.V. have! I want a new house and a new car and new clothes and a new record player! I need a RAISE! BIG BUSINESS: Boy! You sure are self indulgent! And so needy too! It's ridiculous and you have no one to blame but yourself. I can't afford to give you a raise! Now back to work..dead beat! UNION WORKER: Fine! we'll go on strike. We'll tell everyone how unAmerican you are! I will HAVE my new record player dammit! BIG BUSINESS: Fine! Fine! You've got me over a barrel! Here's your raise! (to self) Got to figure out how to get profits back up.. ..ten years later.. BIG BUSINESS: Well first, I've got some GREAT news! Profits are up in every division! We're making more money than we ever have. Now for the not so good news: Worker, you're going to have to take a pay cut in order for us to remain competitive. UNION WORKER: But..uh..I thought you said we were more profitable than ever! So what the f---? I'm not giving up any pay, f--- you! BIG BUSINESS: Well we are more profitable than ever, but our competition is even more profitable than that, so we aren't meeting shareholder expectations and our stock price is dropping. Besides you don't have much choice. If you don;t get your punk ass back on that assembly line for half pay, I'm moving my operation to a country where I can treat the workers like crap and pay them in fish heads and rice. Mo' money, biatch! UNION WORKER: Fine! Fine! I'll take your shitty pay offer! Whatever! BIG BUSINESS: Hahah! Just kidding, we already moved the operations overseas and you're all out of a job come Monday! You should have seen the look on your face though. It was priceless. UNION WORKER: But..I really need this job to make my house payments and car payments and credit card bills. Please. BIG BUSINESS: Fine. I DO want my money sooo..I've got a job for you. You can flip burgers at my fast food restaurant. Now get flipping. And bring me some Satisfries. BURGER FLIPPING EX-UNION WORKER: I'm working my ass off and STILL don't have enough to make ends meet. WTF? My back is killing me and I'm starting to lose feeling in my fingertips. BIG BUSINESS: Yea? Well stop bitching. This labor crisis I created by outsourcing or automating all of the jobs means there are plenty of desperate peons waiting to take this position if you don't want it. Now salt those onion rings and get back to flipping. (Oh and someone shit in the men's room sink again. Clean it up before you go on lunch break.) EX-BURGER FLIPPING EX-UNION WORKER: You know what? If I'm going to live in abject poverty and be looked down on by you anyway, I'd rather sit on my ass and spend time with my family and friends. I'm going on welfare! Go fuck yourself! BIG BUSINESS: Hey! THat's not fair! You were supposed to be corralled into serving me hand and foot by the desperation and poverty that I created, dammit! WTF?! You losers aren't playing by the rules (that I've set up in my favor..) That's it! I'm going to buy some politicians and fix your wagon! EX-BURGER FLIPPING EX-UNION WELFARE RECIPIENT: I should have done this a long time ago! I've got medical insurance for my children, food in my belly and I don't have to take any of your shit either! By the way, you can kiss your mortgage payments, car payments and credit card payments good bye, because I'm done paying. Come get your stuff, asshole. BIG BUSINESS: Yea well we just passed the forced slave labor act. And since the lack of jobs I created has everyone worried about unemployment, I'll get people to pass it into law by calling it the "Right To Work" Act so it sounds like we're helping the unemployed. Now your sorry asses will HAVE to come work in my factories, offices and labs. Buwahahaha! Suck it up slave! HOMELESS EX-BURGER FLIPPING EX-UNION Ex-WELFARE REVOLUTIONARY: Alright so now you have nothing to take from us. We are homeless, we are jobless..but we are free. Now we're free..and now we care as much about you as you do about us. Cept..guess what? The tables have turned. There's a lot more of us than there are of you. So I suggest you put some food and blankets out on your front lawn tonight, or we'll be raiding your fridge when our babies get hungry. We'll let you know what else we need in the morning. Sleep tight. THE END 140422 ... unhinged to_brad 140423 ... dafremen If your business can't survive without exploiting people and treating them unfairly, what makes you so sure your business deserves to survive? 140508 what's it to you? who go blather from