why_i_am_angry jane if anybody is wondering why i am angry [which you may be by now] it's because i realized that i am invisible here. perhaps i chose that role for myself & am simply filling it; however, i don't appreciate the massive support of my project [regarding my roommates, that is]. i'm pretty sure i have already voiced my main reason for being chronically petulant towards isabel, & she seems to be aware of her character flaw, which i indeed respect. but sarah has a self-righteous streak which is driving me crazy. like yesterday when i woke up at 4 o so i heard sarah & burt in the stairway but did not think anything of it. burt asked sarah if anyone except her was home, & sarah replied, "lauren." burt said something like "well can she get up off her ass & help?" i, being unaware that any sort of effort was being made [let alone requiring my assistence], was lollygagging & fooling around on my computer. so up came sarah like hermes to deliver the important message - "hey lauren, could you help out?" to which i replied, "if i had known that you guys were doing something & needed help, i would have certainly gotten off my ass & done so." to which sarah raised her hands, palms out in front of her chest, defensively, like a shield for my harsh words. did she also do this when her father insulted my inactivity? most likely not. so i go down silently & begin to sweep glass shards in my dress. burt approached me, put his hand on my shoulder - "sorry about that miscommunication, lauren. thatnks for helping out." i wanted to turn to him & say, "oh no, mr. cohen. you made yourself perfectly clear." but i didn't. so after i finish the sweeping i start on the dishes: this pile of dishes representing my indignance at being the only person who does the dishes. i stopped doing the dishes & becuase no one else was able to do them, they piled up to the point where there were flies circling like vultures over the carcasses of mashed potatoes. so i start this enormous task, & finish it, & neither of my roommates noticed that they were done; consequently, i have not received a thank you. or anything like it. so this is why i am angry - because i am taken for granted, ignored. so i will try again with the dishes & hopefully someone will get it. 040926 ... Syrope there just isnt enough room in my mouth for EVERYBODY's feet, now. mine get priority anyway. back off. 040926 ... ani if your not angry you're just stupid or you dont care 040926 ... ambermoon cuz after six years of working my ass off for these assholes im fired for no good reason!!! FUCK THEM ALL!!! 040926 ... endless desire because i dont want anyone to be happy if im not. i realize that statement is not only self-centered, but horribly teenage-like, unkind, and cynical. but it's how i feel and im not afraid to admit it. i want everyone to stop smiling because it's starting to piss me off. 040926 ... Syrope yea, fucking smiley people. i wonder if i seem as irritating to everyone as they do to me. is everything i do or say is really a mockery? do i never acknowledge how hard someone's worked? do i ever strive for things that people close to me can't stand? i certainly hope so cause if not then this is all just me and that's not a good sign 040927 ... jane endless desire: check out shiny_happy_people 040927 ... endless desire fuck shiny_happy_people-- haha i know i will back at myself in 5 years and say, 'what the hell was i thinking?' but i like it that way. 041005 ... cactuspatty I am anrgry because I let myself believe things--or was it a quiet ignorance of the facts--that bites me in the ass. Is is so bad to want, no demand, the best out of someone? I am angry because words traded, ideas formulated, suggestions nominated are totally ingnored as if they had not even happened? I am angry because I used to believe that you could tell just by looking into someone's eyes while they were talking to you that they were lying...now I know that isn't true. I am angry because people won't do something about things that are bothering them--fucking take a dump or get off the potty. I am angry because I don't understand your read-between-the-lines talk, why don't you just spit it out? But most of all, I am angry because you won't bother to understand me after all that we've been through. I have had enough. It won't ever be the same. I won't go back to this damage. 041005 ... unhinged you want me to sit WHERE?! for what? for the concert? excuse me, but you have to be out of your fucking mind. i worked hard this summer and played a kick ass audition; i got seated where i got seated for a reason. i will be damned if i sit in the back of a section in this orchestra again. period. 041005 ... onceidid I am tired of being taken for granted and everything i say or think is just poo pooed. I have feeling and needs and i would not be doing the things i do if your were meeting my needs and when i ask you to do so you just poo poo me.So understand when i said fuck off i mean it.I wont allow you to treat me badly anymore i desearve much much more 060105 what's it to you? who go blather from