nightly_ritual silentbob drop everything i'm doing at ten pm and get on the computer. to talk to her, to see her voice. if i'm with friends, i make them drop me off, or i leave. if i'm watching tv, i turn it off. if my mom is on, i kick her off. nothing must stand in my way 000714 ... klarchen I used to like peanutbutter and honey sandwiches before bed, then I dabbled in cereal, but now I'm more into toast with butter and juice. Ooo, I am such a rebell. 000715 ... birdmad light a candle blow it out light some incense watch it burn think about samantha, get depressed, have a drink turn on the stereo edit the most recent chapter of my novel and scout the rest of what i've written for credibility and continuity have a few more drinks go online and see what's at blather figure out what to do with the obscene amount of webspace i have scammed from a few servers take a shower ponder how much of my singing voice i have lost watch TV or listen to some music and alternate between missing samantha and wanting katrina, all the while kicking myself mentally for having become so damn timid plan, scheme, plot...hatch another idea for an art project that i wil either never start or never finish drift off to sleep wondering whether or not i am sane anymore 000715 ... MollyGoLightly have crisis about marketable abilities. again. blather to strangers/non-strangers. think about how i'm really a Lost Boy even though i'm a girl. 000716 ... kreeyiss i try to change it up now and then, but no matter how hard i try, i can't seem to shake the deja-vous feeling everytime i drift off to sleep...it just starts to seem repititious.... i believe that going to sleep at nite is a fad that will pass w/in a hundred years or so....americans are so hung up! 000716 ... tivenan green spangled with pearl grey mist meandering up the mind is lifted 000801 ... *Ziima* I hope and pray into all hours of the night and early morning for just a small letter. I light a candle, whisper pleading words, and script out another wishful letter to burn. If you're out there, Dan...and you really do care...please. I love you. 010719 ... kitten on drugs before he left, i took his hat. he wears that hat every day, because he's too lazy to do anything to his hair. every nite before i go to sleep, i smell his hat. it smells like him. it keeps me from missing him too much, and it makes me dream about him. the hat's about out of smell, so the two weeks must just about be over. it's time for him to come home. 020101 ... Mahayana: Zakah: cry self 2 sleep sleep 2 self cry 020102 ... pushpins sleep. 020102 ... Miffey I used to have a hair tie that very much held your smell... I kept it for a long time, until you wanted it back in the meantime you were with someone else. Remember that? 020109 ... pralines&cream Blathe until my words become confused and switch places on me, often lacking to be typed altogether ... then stumble to my bathroom, take out my contact lenses, and brush my teeth. Then wearily peel off my clothes, set my alarm clock, swish my legs around under my cold sheets a couple times, tuck my arm under my pillow, and dream about my hateful, hateful alarm clock waking me up in 5 hours. 020109 ... ClairE I talk to you in my head too. The only problem is when you are really here, you don't say much. So mostly I just talk to the memory of your face. 020109 ... rip nothing against people talking to them selves but when you start talking to yourself thinking your talking to someone else then you need to seek help. 020109 ... lost i used to masturbate everynight. not anymore though. i find myself rarely ever doing it. 020109 ... yoink staring at her picture and making up heroic stories to dream about 020109 ... ClairE "I can't have sex with you until two in the morning every night." 020115 ... k1 Many variables, but these are near-constants: Turn on overhead light, cross to bed. Turn on bedside lamp. Cross back to door, turn off overhead light. Cross back to bed, undress, slip between bedcovers. Reach for k2's photo, gaze and smile (duration varies.) Murmur to photo "Goodnight, sweetie," replace photo. Turn off bedside lamp. I anticipate that the pleasure of this ritual will be immeasurably enhanced when the photo of k2 is superseded by the genuine article. 020115 ... flora fae i wish i had one; every nite is different; never the same thing twice. one might resemble the next, but no pattern exists. . . funny how my days can be always so similar, but my nites always hold suprise. mayhap a ritual would do me good. . . 050225 what's it to you? who go blather from