kiss_your_lover_goodbye Strideo does absence make the heart grow fonder? may your painful goodbyes lead to joyful reunions. ... 070703 ... jane why_blues_is_more_emo_than_emo 070703 ... hsg1437 the last time we saw each other: i would give anything to have kissed with you for an hour. (whever) you are, i_very_love_you. know in your heart, as i'm sure you do, that i have not given up on you, )norever( will i. i wear one of our ing stephgirl. i have been 4AYL now. the other1(ng) awaits you. i_magine seeing those diamonds around your finger but somehow your hand itself is more precious. why do they always in the pictures try to make someone's hand look better with diamonds? it's a gift to see the inverse. after all thistough we've been through, and all the challenges of this petty_bullshit_materialistic_world, know that our love has never been challenged because that's the beauty of the resolve we share. remember that rock we planted in buddha's_garden when we walked that labrynth? if somehow we lose ways of contacting each other meet me there on dec 29th at 1437 (2:37pm your time) this year and the next until we meet. 070710 ... unhinged she had a habit of opening her heart at the wrong times, which caused her to shut her heart for inordinate amounts of time therefore missing out on the right times. she had a habit of sleeping with boys she cared nothing for. fucking was just a biological act that she had long since removed from her heart. (since the very first time in fact. the rape counselor told her it was her fault for being drunk because she was underage.) she occasionally ran across a lover that cared enough to want to make her come, which she could only do when she imagined a certain voice. she couldn't tell said lover that it would only happen if she thought of someone else. it was hard for her to say that his dick was one of the nicest she had had the pleasure of sitting on. she hated to talk during sex which made giving directions impossible. because sex equals dating, this particular lover with his particularly nice penis decided they were together. she began to feel guilty. because sex and love were disconnected in her heart, she felt almost nothing for him besides maybe an adrenaline rush and a racing heart. it didn't help that he was terrified of knocking her up because his ex was pregnant (he didn't say by whom) so he would barely touch her if there wasn't some form of sex involved. she made no move to get him off. this is not how it was supposed to be. this was not how it was supposed to feel. the voice called. she only heard from intermittenly after she finally met him. it was a hard pill to swallow. but she started fuck/dating the nice penis as a way to forget what her heart really wanted. it backfired seeing how she thought of him during sex, but with the distance between them, at least she had someone touching her. he wanted to come back to visit after his summer died down a bit. he called because he was thinking of her. maybe he could feel when she was fucking someone else, thinking of him. she wanted him to come and visit. but she didn't know how to tell him that it couldn't be the same. he probably knew that. she made sure to tell him she was dating someone. but she wanted him to come and visit. and hold her hand. tell her how gorgeous she is. make out with her for hours and only barely and vaguely attempt to touch the parts of her that it was so hard for her to let boys touch. the only lover she ever had that was perfectly content with exactly what she wanted to give to him. so she thought of his voice as the boy with the nice penis whispered in her ear while she was on top of him 'someday i'm going to make you come.' 070711 ... unhinged 'who do you think of when we fuck?' she stopped bounching and opened her eyes. 'what are you talking about?' she sputtered. 'you know what i'm talking about. your eyes are always closed. who are you thinking of?' she swung off his lap and got out of bed. 'where are you going?' 070712 ... flowerbed on a cloud and then what? You feel miserable for ages and ages and ages. After I return from my visit to him, I will stop all contact. I can't take this. 080423 ... unhinged in_the_wake_of_lamentable_tides i relive it over and over because 'i only stick with you because there are no others' ( all_i_need) 080423 ... when darkness falls I think of you and fall more in love with you... I close my eyes and in my mind I am in your hometown, walking around the places you grew up, the tulip farms, the old downtown, cobblestone streets, and windmills. You are no longer here. You have moved on. I could go anywhere with you. I would never leave you. Shame on those that take you for granted. 080423 ... jane and remember that it's just that - goodbye. there will be nothing after this. thoughts about moving on - 080423 ... jane 50_ways_to_leave_your_lover 080702 what's it to you? who go blather from