contrived_self_righteous_bullshit peyton i recommend severe introspection fast trust me on this when you snap out of it you won't comprehend the shame and the damage you've done and you can't take it back 050817 ... unhinged really i'm just really fucking scared 050818 ... . just my way of saying that +you hurt me +i feel stupid +i thought you loved me +how could you hurt me so +please someone +love me 050818 ... stork daddy boy that sums up my life! 050818 ... oldephebe god, i actually thought someone was no to obliquely referring to me ... 050818 ... daf Bet I've got more truckloads than you, phebe. 050818 ... oldephebe oh man that almost made me jettison that black ciggarete i'd been suckling on all day I can't really say what was in my heart to speak, and this is one of the rare moments that i'm not lost in my own absorbtion...i'd like to instead of disdaining the world--perhaps try disarmig the world and myself from the ironic masks that we dangle from our necks and plaster over our freshly painted faces...hey i just put a new peep hole in..so i've got to get back to my vacuouse and voyeuristic fetish..but only this time i won't use that damned milk crate for the elevation..maybe i'll use the hierloom my great uncle victor gave me--the velvet ottoman sheathed in byzantine erotic art...you'd think the mural by itself would gurantee hours of anthropological query and study..but then the bat cracks and the window shatters and my full bladder bursts with an osmotic urgency that makes wish i'd worn that damn adult depends under garment ... still though..how could anyone summon up more seemingly (not actual mind you..seemingly) self-righteous bull***t than me? ... 050822 ... andru235 oe and daf, you are both being absolutely ridiculous. i am equally self-righteous as either of you, but let us keep our forms of self-righteousness in perspective, my dears. if the three of us were to be accused of self-righteousness (or any others who might feel included as such), it is a philosophical self-righteousness, no? it isn't as though we are out in the street, burning heretics! additionally, any attempt to advance the [insert aspect of life here] of other people will almost invariable seem self-righteous to someone. while i find hypotheticals absurd (because i am a champion of cupcakes) allow me to indulge in one. actually i changed my mind, no hypothetical for you. [i do believe i affected all four words in the blathes' title, no?] 050822 ... andru235 *invariably i typed 'invariable' instead of invariably i typed 'invariable' instead of invariably i typed 'invariable' instead of invariably i typed 'invariable' instead of invariably i typed 'invariable' instead of invariably i typed ... 050822 ... oldephebe geez, andru and i thought i was compulsively analytical. Not that i'm saying that that's a bad thing--or that even my blithe characterization of your previous blathe constitutes any authority on my behalf to make such a statement or that a tongue in cheek not asked for riposte made in a spirit of whimsey is embelematic or derivative of anything remotely resembling an empiracle indice of said character defect or virtue. (wich in case anyone is still paying attention was this--i said that andru was even more compuslsively analytical that me..or something to that effect) ... and i'm thinking andru that you probably wrote this with a wry twist about your mouth. i think the thing that distinguishes you and dafs writing from mine is the discipline and the ordered structure of your narratives and exposition. my words float up in fragments and then seem to coalesce more or less around those things, those commonalities of human experience that echo in all of our repositories of remembrance. so..so..I mean at one point or another we've all occupied the same emotional space. I mean it's like singing a torch song, you sing a phrase that you've sung quite often only this time this phrase and the symbiosis of all those open and expectant souls and in some fissure and an undercurrent sweeps in and binds everyone from the base player to the rhythm guitar and the drummer and the doe eyed auburn haired young woman in the third row and you sing the line and you feel..you FEEL like your shattering and then being put back together almost instantaneously and the audience maybe just a few or maybe a little more are with you--right there! Something golden pours out of your throat, your heart, and theres a silver stream of sorrow that is snaking its way down your face. Those first few seconds have a compressed power and you feel your breathing change. You know? and you wanta say hey! We don't have to stand on ladders to see one another--right now we're seen' one another more clearly perhaps than we've ever seen anyone. we're just a bunch of anonymous asses filling a chair and grasping a ticket and look, geez we've achived intimacy w/o any of the ironic preamble bullshit. okay...i got a little carried away. pardon my french. ... 050822 ... obtuse oldephebe and 'cupcake?' i guess you're not referring to the much missed pd sooo...what's that all about? 050822 what's it to you? who go blather from