joey Madame Justine He's an angel. I amn't even going to attempt to put it into words. I've tried and failed previously. Joey's an angel. 010824 ... sweetheart of the song tra bong Joey calls his car Baby, but her real name is Vrrooom. 010824 ... echo o man dawsons creek, the best 010824 ... Madame Justine We split up. I wanted to die. Then I realised maybe I can love him as much if he's my best friend. He said it's too hard being this far apart. He said it'll all be fine when I move to London, we can get back on track. I know deep down that he's right, but I couldn't help but cry for hours when he said it. I know most people reading this won't understand how much I love him, and how hard it is to let him go, and how paranoid I am about him going back to Sadie. I can't believe anyone will ever hurt like I'm hurting right now. I love him so much, all I can do is cry. He's my best friend, and I should respect his decision, but I need him so badly, as a lover as well as a friend. He's my world. It's only eleven months until I go to London, but I know I cant take it that long. Oh he's too good to me. ut he's so awful to me at the same time. I don't know what to do. Except cry. Because I know I've lost the most precious thing in my life. And even if he's still there as a friend, I don't know if he'll be the same lover when I get him back in eleven months. Or if I'll even get him back. What if *someone* (Sadie) else gets their claws in him? Then what am I supposed to do? I can rest assured that I'm going to see him in October for casual sex. But since then was that the point of our relationship? Since when have we been best friends who get together on our birthdays for casual sex? We were engaged for fuck's sake. Does that mean nothing anymore? Is 'engaged' just another word to be thrown about like 'love'? I don't even know if he ever loved me. I don't know if he loves me now. I don't know anything anymore, because without him I can't function. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't talk, I can't think. I need him. He;s part of me. The part of me that makes me operate, the part of me that makes me happy, the part of me that makes me ME. I love him so much. And I'm so grateful he's my best friend. But I don't think it's enough. Maybe if we'd started out as best friends. But we were so much more. I just don't know anymore. 010828 ... florescent light joey fergentie big guy teased the crap out of me in elementary school tortured me always called me sheryl goldbooger ugh i hated him I was the girl with the cooties they all were so mean to me and wouldn't touch me or anything they always said ewww and scattered far away from me when I walked down the hall I was cursed and everyone else would make fun of me too cause he was the leader one time one of the guys came up to me and said- I don't mean to tease you, I just do it cause everyone else does-I'm sorry I didn't say anything to him it didn't make me feel any better but I'll never forget that 010828 ... unhinged "what do they call a baby kangaroo nicole?" "A joey." funny how distant distant memories keep popping into my head 011117 ... sabbie and it hasnt been that long and we were such close friends but now i find that, after the split that i cannot recall his last name anymore. surely i must have known it once? 011224 ... unique butterfly my current boyfriend. sweetest boyfriend i've ever had. nicest boyfriend i've ever had. the best boyfriend i've ever had. how come i don't like him as much as other then? he's growing on me though. i don't ever want to give him up just because he's safe. 020422 ... werewolf that truly is horrible. That's the type of thing you do to a blanket, not something with feelings. 020422 ... werewolf but i guess if he's cool with it...ha as if he knows...adventure and salve all in one...come in come in to the funhouse of love 020422 ... unique butterfly what i said up above is a lie. he's one of my worst boyfriends and he's not growing me. he's growing away from me and everyday i find more and more things wrong with him. 020728 ... phil today 020729 ... Glory Box baby don't get crazy. detours fences i get defensive. i was in love with joey once. 020827 ... dondeestanlosjaguares none like him. well, maybe in some parallel universe where things seem to be a little less rough against those who are willing to contribute a complete and unobscure positive effect towards the world. he is definitely unlike any other guy i have ever met and at times i felt alone, but after meeting this guy, i knew i wasn't alone. we are of the same breed. the blood that runs through our veins has the exact same viscocity and it will not change. i have seen and approached things much differently than he has. somehow the world has not yet corrupted him, and that is an extremely admirable trait of his. something that has happened to most of us at some point in our lives. he still remains strong. for that, i wish i could absorb every blow that goes his way in order to preserve him. moreso, i hope to leave and come back some day in the distant future and see he stands strong against all tides. after all, he is Joey. (his b-day was yesterday, happy birthday!) 020827 what's it to you? who go blather from