as_old_as_i_feel birdmad other than the aches and pains that are the attendant after-effects of some of the dumber decisions of my youth and a tendency towards calm bemusement rather than urgent despair in the face of adversity, i don't really feel as old as my younger self expected in the months since i turned 40 truth be told, when i was in my 20s, i had set myself on a course where i was both disappointed AND relieved at having made it to 30...i'll confess to still being plagued by little bouts of angst and self-doubt from time, but now i just can't be bothered to dwell too much on it... not because i feel any sort of age-induced enlightenment, but because i just don't feel like expending that kind of energy anymore (and since i lay no claim to enlightenment, you all can count on me to NOT set up shop and play dime-store preacher/prophet ... just_saying 120626 ... mt how many times is too many to start over? 120628 ... chloeNthesun I just found blather again after a 8-year hiatus. I first stumbled upon this place when i was 16, still angsty and unsure of myself, I mostly read blathes and contributed only a few over the years that I visited blather. I still remember some of your names--isn't that funny? silentbob, unhinged, birdmad and others. I went back and reread the blathes I wrote. Mostly nonsensical, some of them poetic. This one is my favorite: oh_to_come_back_as. It's like reading an old diary, but I've forgotten who that person was. So distant, yet strangely familiar. Back then, I was just determined to get out of my parents' house, to be on my own. Now I live 700 miles away, with different problems. But, different joys too. I've also become more political, so it's funny that I started this post: stop_posting_stupid_iraqi_newslinks. I think I just wanted to protect this artistic, community-centered space from the rest of the world. I've always been this dreamy sort of kid. I've had a realization--I am not re-creating myself each day. I've been working up to this moment. It was heartening to google blather and re-emerge into these blue pages, exactly the same. Thanks to all of you who are keeping blather going. Oh nostalgia... 120629 ... oren I_was 41 when I first blathed. I'm 51 now. I_never expected this site to last this long. 120629 ... xalde As old as I feel, I suppose I could only be a 1/3 of the way through my life. Or I could die tomorrow, who knows. I do know I'm glad that I'm more at peace with life, with myself. I do know I still have a lot to work on. I hope it wasn't a jab at me, and that I'm not coming off like a dime-store preacher or prophet. I guess I haven't fully learned not to take anything personally. 120630 ... birdmad No. Not a jab at you. Actually, I genuinely hope you are happy and well. I was jabbing at the guy who might occasionally dispense a bit of wisdom here and there but who will dilute it to meaningless oblivion with his tendency toward needlessly dickish condescension. 120701 ... dafremen Needlessly dickish condescension can be a great decoy for flushing out egos in hiding. There's only a throb and ache when there's an infection of some sort in there(in my experience.) Too bad about you feeling so old. Stop identifying with your character so much and make it easier on yourself. Timeless is never old. (Lol..maybe I'M the dime-store preacher. Eat my flesh..drink my blood and we'll see you in heaven. Then you'll know I never had a messianic complex..just a bizarre compulsion to surround myself with cannibals.) 120701 ... birdmad The body feels old, and I have gained a few small bits of wisdom from the world around me, but mostly I still feel fairly young and mostly unchanged 120702 ... z ...unbidden faceless screaming of blowflies over my panting nerveless pummel and force no effect running legless and with syrup drift slow muscle weak i move nothing and nothing moves me somehow creeping in sour draft of making no impact in... 120702 ... unhinged this year has aged me a decade 120702 ... dafremen old age should come with painkillers and a cyanide pill. 120704 ... e_o_i First came to blather when I was 16. Now 24. Hooray for multiples of 8. I'm giving myself an expiry date of 80, but who knows. Harder to estimate the lifespan of blather. Then again, maybe the world will end this December because of the evil reptilian overlords controlling the Illuminati Freemason Zionist Jesuit Jihadis and/or the Hipster Hitler webcomic. You never know. In short, I feel 24, but at least my mental age is still 16. 120705 ... Doar and I do feel old nowadays. I appreciate the blatherers or blatherskites, and blather. For letting me just release m y mind here. Anywhere else they would be walking us all off to the nicely padded room with three squares a day (maybe, since funding is a back burner for all politicians). Anyways, much love from the Doar 121031 ... in a silent way ...i still haven't caught up to myself. 130129 what's it to you? who go blather from