guilty jennifer my therapist made me feel guilty for wanting this relationship to happen and I almost cried 000104 ... Tess unless your therapist blathers, i'm sure s/he wouldn't have a clue about what's going down here. not that i have a clue, mind you. 000104 ... amy i am guilty in the extreme. 000107 ... jennifer full story my therapist (male, for the record) always thinks everything has to do with sex, and he thinks I should fantasize and masterbate before I go on a date (odd duck he is, eh?) and that's not my thing, you know. so I saw him on Tuesday, and then I went out with Andrea right after that. And I think I was so freaked out by my therapist that I sent out some kind of "I don't like you" vibes to Andrea, and now I haven't heard from her. I'm I'm afraid I screwed everything up like last time. ..::sigh::.. 000107 ... Zeroshin the point where the sadness blinds the soul, the point where the motion of time go against you, despair amidst a lack of control. honesty not even a goal, just a dream... never was and never will be. The monster that eats you from the inside... but it was so cute. Other fish in the sea? but only one family? The dilemma behind it all, yet only to take the fall. the life spent to feel the pain, but that doesn't stop the rain... to sprinkle itself upon our graves. 010118 ... patrice I guess I shouldn't have said anything at all, but I was really mad. pigheaded jerk really deserved it all anyway. I have a right to my feelings. I'm not going to sit here and feel guilty for expressing my feelings. asshole. 010504 ... laura the intellect we shared "Some people are dangerous" I said, as we shone in the lamplight of what we both know knew know will never be. 010510 ... Annie111 I've got two shrimps on the barbie. Two fish to fry. Two headaches. I should be feeling guilty for what I have to do to him, but right now, I'm high on you and the future can wait at the door. 011222 ... Dearest Helpless Should I feel guilty, when Ive comitted no physical sin? Though my soul runs wild in my mind, My hands tied by boundaries, I undress you only in thought. 030819 ... nomme as charged 030819 ... . FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK 040125 ... whisper_to_the_moon Balanced so precariously All stacked up lie after lie Secrets binding, Trust is broken Trying to find me with no light All the layers balanced, but- Angles cloud the night Everything set up for nothing As someone slips One thing falls through The skies, they crack, and crumble down Everything comes crashing down It never was supposed to be Anything near easy Guilt found and returned to me ~*~I know not what I do~*~ 040627 ... crayolazeppelin I crave cinnamon rolls. 081003 ... no reason it's not my fault 100312 ... Risen My whole life I felt guilty. I felt guilty before I did anything wrong, and then I had plenty to feel guilty for. Someone told me when I was a child that my pain was a punishment for my sins in a former life. That god had sent them to me on purpose. I felt guilty because I felt like I was being punished. And eventually when I was in enough pain, I started doing things which deserved punishment, because frankly it made sense at the time. But then I was a little mad. I was a nightmare to live with, to try to love, because I couldn't see anyone but myself. I couldn't see anyone as anything but an extension of myself. I was controlling and selfish and self-obsessed, manipulative and cruel. I am not proud of the way I used to treat people. But I have been punished. I learned, and I changed and I grew. Not in a nice smooth line, it was not a perfect thing, it was hard work. It still is. I took some huge leaps backwards, but I kept on working at it. I thought the last part of my karmic payback was complete when I made my last romantic choice. But that wasn't the case. Now I am stuck in a situation very similar to being controlled by the type of person I used to be. The same kind of patterns, the same pain. With no escape. Is this my karma? Am I being punished? Should I feel guilty? Is this a test? Maybe it's the sleep deprivation, but I'm starting to wonder if it matters. Now I know what guilt really is - not feeling annoyed at being caught or punished, but feeling the genuine grief and shame and regret of having hurt someone, and the overwhelming urge to make it right... Oh, that's more painful than anything. Making someone care about what they did before they knew how to feel remorse is the perfect punishment. Do I ever get parole? 171015 ... unhinged the wiring of the depressed brain makes me think i am always guilty. that i feel a million times more guilty for tiny slights against others and i will sit and obsess over how i may have meant someone else feel bad. just another way science helps 171016 what's it to you? who go blather from