trixie I'm going crazy again
heading back into that whirled up world
my thoughts are dripping out of my brain
it's insane
behind my eyes i can feel it fall into my world
in a flash
and it's gone
but i know I'm going crazy again

it's like that smoke coming towards you on the street
and in a second it's all around you even though you saw it coming

my medicine yearnings prick my arms and oh they are back again
and what does it mean when advil or aleve can do the job and releave when i can only relive through those smells on 47th street but im never going back again

normal life isn't supposed to stone and getting high shouldn't be sobering, i must be going crazy (again) back in a little room with a remote controlling my world and letting it all go

my eyes look the same as they did yesterday and the day before that they did too and my skin is still ruddy from red circulation but the sky is grey, will i be too?

and the future it flickers on and off but mostly on in my filled up head and it's too close for comfort seeing as tomorrow is almost today and yesterday isn't that far away

im scared
im running into myself
people know, and they tell me so
im like a beige highlighter
trying to hide but making a scene

i'm wondering if my copyright will last further than myself or if im so loosely giving that i slipped it away to the devil himself. i wonder if they burn my picture when im not around, or if i left a note saying go ahead, im not really worth it anyway. im wondering if my outer is in for some reason and and that means my inner is out and away.

or i wonder if they prey.

the clock will strike soon, it's coming i know.
even my tears will not let go.

so what's going to happen when it does?
will i hang on to my copyright laws?
should i sell now while the stock is high?
or will i keep going until i die, never making a single cent to my own name and always playing the black and blue game. staring children down to win the bet. never speaking of my pain of yet. dying in a lonely back room. and it's coming soon.
trixie too close for comfort
is what im feeling
neither in nor out
but somewhere a fly observing others win
holds me hostage and makes me watch

it makes me cringe to see your face
because it's not yours, it's mine
laughing and asking why aint I getting it done?
why did it have to be you? what a waste
they are going to say
if they find me curled up in the bottom of an elevator alone

so that's that i guess
this is the current state of affairs
neither here nor there
or anywhere
living but really not
and totally not believing that she can waltze right on in
but im too stingy with myself sometimes that im not giving a damn and letting it all go just to say i was a good little girl

when is my renissance? can i cut loose finally and just not give a damn? can i? and will it fix me? what the hell will fix me?

without being too black ill quote my friend who quoted ellen without knowing i think, although she watches a lot of standup....

we all spend so much time wondering how everyone else sees us that no one is ever thinking about anyone else.

something like that
and it's true
so screw all of you because you never really give a damn about me and somewhat me to you and im a loser and a patsy if i care about you i guess. i gotta go to the bookstore now.


but you would never know
(oh stop being your own jesus-figure)
trixie nobody reads my shit anyway 031014
TalviFatin straight-jacket time... 031019
lalagirl19 awesome shit 031019
Death of a Rose great venting 031019
marked . 031108
acidshank ahh. on dxm my brain feels like its so small and i can feel the space around it.
am i going crazy? it feels like i cant feel anything and i have numbed myself to taste, smell, my own brain.all i can feel is the space around my brain.
its happening now to. and im even off any drugs.
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or maybe <style> a {color:#10103f ;} </style> 041129
fix 041129
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