silent_treatment dipperwell Neglect is more psychologically traumatic for children than physical abuse. A statistical fact. It's easier to have your existence reviled than to have it dismissed entirely. Forcibly becoming invisible is painful. Silent treatment, to me, is one of the most perverse and abhorrent punishments. Uneasy ghosts, walking among us, desperately trying to haunt the people who once loved them. How do I forgive someone who does this to me, so that I might ask their forgiveness for a crime they refuse to discuss? Is it really punishment you seek, or do you simply loathe to acknowledge me, as that might further encourage me to exist? Am I helpless except to reassure myself that if you knew how sensitive I am to a chilly climate like this, that opening the front door and facing your cold stare in a different direction is the worst moment of my day, that I would be grateful to curl up on the grubby floors of anyone who might deign to at least nod at me... That you wouldn't be doing this? Part of me wants to scream at you to grow the fuck up, but it's I who feels like I'm twelve years old again. Funny, those childhood memories we brush off because they seem silly to us now, disregarding how profoundly they may have shaped us. 060618 ... emmi the art of manipulation 060618 ... dipperwell funny to realize that you probably think things are fine now that I'm not treating you the way you treat me (the way your behaviour indicates you want me to be) (out of sight and out of mind) I didn't get under your skin until I stopped pretending that everything was fine that whole time I thought you were pretending too but actually things were fine for you and I guess that's why I was so rattled in the first place I miss the room which felt like home because home is where the heart is and even though I got lonely there it's nothing like being inadvertently invisible 060622 ... Soma And you wouldn't even tell my how I had offended you. you just- nose up, small "hmph!" and strutted off. That's when I realized, that being popular... was just a bunch of shit. 060622 ... somniac the silence screams and screams it say things worse than ever could be said in words it allows the voice inside, a harsher critic than ever an other could be, to speak and be heard and be believed silence violence 060923 ... somniac As time goes on, the violence continues deeper and quieter. The damage makes its way down to the core. If the aim is revenge, then it is working very much. It is very clever really. The effectiveness of this punishment is either a fluke, or is evidence of an astonishingly accurate understanding of me. Much better than I understood myself. Do I deserve this? 061008 ... somniac an aggressive silence which lasts for months then suddenly an olive branch is offered is it real? why has it arrived? what is it asking for? i reach out to take hold of the branch, in the only way that I can see how. but suddenly i find it has been whipped away again oh well i'm not waiting any more 070412 ... unhinged it's all i can do right now 070413 ... f oh dear, whats up with that Somniac person.. seems a bit upset... a bit demanding if you ask me.. maybe needs some sleep of somik ? maybe that could walk roundm another corner... they might find somik else.. plenty er fish in de sea. 070413 ... treat silence start screaming 070413 ... somebody "Vitamin C cured his scurvy without saying a word." 070413 ... unhinged when i care about him it complicates my life too much he walked past my studio window the other day at work. i face the window when i teach. our eyes caught each other as he walked past. i was adjusting her hands. his face reappeared in the window. we stared at each other for a second. i looked back at her and smiled; saved by the squeaky end of a pint-sized lightly row. i don't notice when he walks by my studio to avoid his eyes since he cut his hair. i practice the piano more so that my back is to the window. 070512 what's it to you? who go blather from