love_letter velvetdesire i want to write you a letter because this is what you've done to me -- you've transformed me from a hardened bitter and cynical teenager into a hopeless romantic. thank you. 020323 ... blown cherry After so long, and after growing to be better friends than I would ever have dared to hope, I still hold you in the utmost of awe and fascination. You are everything I will never be, but perhaps have always aspired to? Which is probably why I love you. And I will do everything I can to help you be whatever you want, and more. 020601 ... Syrope that i never sent. 020601 ... blown cherry the nihilist There is no point to them. How can one ever hope to change the feelings of someone else through a bunch of meaningless character sets to which any arbitrary definition can be assigned. If I thought if would have any effect whatsoever, even in the slightest manner, I would write on this page until the infinite memory banks of this universe were overflowing into the next. But the unending brick wall of futility that glaringly and menacingly stands before me keeps me from wearing my fingers to the bloodied bone. 020612 ... blown cherry the nihilist There is so much inside however. So much beauty and untold feeling for you. Perhaps they can be written after all. A release for the poor tormented soul. But never sent. Who wants to be bathed in the sparkling light of an unwanted love? Written only to be burned. The glow of the meagre and short lived fire the only positive thing borne of the pathetic feeling of mine. 020612 ... jg If I knew it wouldn't scare him, I'd write to him. However, I'm afraid the words I contain in my head could do no justice to the feelings in my heart. 020612 ... solitary jeez. I haven't thought about writing you a love letter in while. I've loved you for a long time. Now that we're not together, I don't even think about how much in love with you I am anymore. There will always be other boys, with other love that they have to lay at my feet. But I will always be in love with you, no matter how many times I put up this wall between us. It's not a revelation, just a fact I've come to accept. I can't be with you. But I love you. I am in love with you. And it's all my choice ... isn't that strange? And I love you so much 030530 ... unhinged i know i don't often tell you how i feel. i've been burned one too many times, including by you, to let my feelings out. i tell you, you run. i don't tell you, you run. it doesn't seem like much of a choice. i have always been an observant intuitive person. i have learned to trust my first instincts, particularly with people. who you really are is more on your sleeve than you probably wish it to be. even a year ago, i could tell you were a good person. you seemed surprised yesterday when you said 'i really am a good person. i just got wrapped up in the drugs.' that is why i fought so hard when you kept trying to run. i knew underneath the dirty bullshit, the reality of who you are was worth fighting for. for you to scrape the dirt away, and let your light out to the world was worth fighting for. i understand the vicious circle of depression and addiction. i kept my head just barely above water myself for many years. you are not your habit. you can change, albeit some changes are harder to make than others. (even now i feel like these words are trite, incomplete, not enough) life is better clean. not easier, better. you make my light stronger, amplified. i am comfortable in my own skin with you. (which by the way is no little feat; over the years my echoing_thought still returns. my skin gets suffocating, i want rid of it, out of it, to be done) i don't feel shy, guilty, ashamed, bashful when i am with you. the older i get, i know that is worth fighting for. miss_you_more_love_you_most 100629 ... jane when i was leaving last year, i asked him to write me a letter. when i returned, he handed me a notebook he had filled with letters 100629 ... unhinged i know my voice keeps you grounded when you're busy floating but that doesn't mean i want to be alone come home 100702 ... unhinged dirty_mirrors 100712 what's it to you? who go blather from