jennifer seems I am now
not needed
I see the sunlight
yet no longer feel it's gentle rays
I prefer the rain anyway
spinning in the alley
soft falling
the smell
but even the rain is bitter here
in the vicious circle
I'm no longer
no, never was
a part of
I observe
I'm mom
but alone
stnmonkey in the past 12 hours, my world has crumbed around my ankles... everything I cared for (which isn't much) gone... my hopes, dreams... gone... I have been humbled in the past, but nothing like this. This, more than anything, just reassures the thought that I am, and will be no one... the calm little light has faded... everything that I've built up around me has crumbled into a pile of dust.. the more I fight it, the more it becomes true... I'm becoming my father. 010609
cathy Sad Eyes

I look to God with sad eyes I see.
I look to God not knowing what's waiting for me.
Why is there pain and sorrow? Will there be a tomorrow?
I look to God with sad eyes I see.
I look to God still not knowing what's in store for me.
Will there be more pain and hurt?
Will love ever come to comfort the sin I have?
There are things I see that I feel are not meant to be.
There are things I see that make me think
will there ever be a place for me? I look to God still with sad eyes,
wondering if the cries I have will go for I know God has a plan for me.
For will I be in the light or will I go to the night.
It hurts me not knowing whats in store for me
but I take everyday as a gift for soon I will see if God really loves me.
I look to God and ask for strength.
I look to God and wonder why I feel sometimes I should die.
Help me to see that looking to God with sad eyes should bring me joys
not cries because in the end there is a plan for I am in his will at hand.
So I look to God with sad eyes and never wonder why.
silentbob face 011231
hey now! listening to ani fuck you and your untouchab;e face. 011231
hye now! still listening to ani oops!

hey now! well dang.
i spelt my name rong.
Mahayana: Zakah: ... hey now!'s 'L'
[dyslexic 'y' & 'e']

[[the whole medical community suppresses dyslexic people/ who the hell could normally spell/ dyslexic/ without slowing the row rowing row oars of finger speaking down?]]

[[[untouchable: majidi's eXistance]]]
pushpins you and your girlfriend
you and your boyfriend
you and my best friend
you and my ex
you and your revenge
you and your"yeah so i don't really care about you" confession.

well fuck the both of you.
Mahayana: Zakah: ummm whos getting fucked

[ i cant tell]
[[am i getting fucked]]

:::cant B me/ i never had a/ BF:::
zenfishsticks enshrined in glass
the most perfect girl
in the world
sheds a solitary
Borealis tears to heal
but these are only bitter
and in beauty, a poison grows
for she will never understand
exactly who she is

the glass will never allow her tears, escape..healing, release.
and she, enthroned in all that she is, and could be, untouchable, looked upon with desire by all, those who wish to be her, those who wish to be with her, those who want her..
she, with seemingly everything
she who has never known real love
for her glass

will drown
and be forgotten..be resented..as the girl no one ever knew. how could she be so distant?

reach out and touch
story of eau it's a very rare person who can remove my armor. if i give you a key, do you know what it opens?

i never said i was special.
just untouchable, in so many words.
ive barely got enough heart left for me god i don't ever want to work that hard.. i mean you know? the whole rubrics cube of romance, and hey if you're worthy you'll endure the easperation and delve beneath the layers and see the golden true essence of complex lil' ol' me. So OK in order to find something real..i gotta jump through flaming hoops and play guess which personality has come out to play now? 040511
sp exasperation 040511
complex lil ol me i think i'm addicted to rubik's cube and puzzles in general.

for the time being, as i work on being a simple giantess, it's neuroses and shields and more than likely neuroses used as shields. or something like that.

schizotypal maybe.
divine madness untouchable, unattainable
yet with a stroke of a paintbrush
the essence fills the room
an aura of a sorts
those sweet eyes, vibrant lips, oozing charm
to touch, to feel, to caress
touch me, take me to a world to call our own
a place where paint is what covers us and you are not a painting anymore....

Xeneth Sparda

You don't have to have a SO to be fucked. 041206
grendel whatever i reach for 041206
X S baggage yes but wouldnt you like the opportunity lol 041206
misstree and i damn him for it
as it makes me hunger more
what's it to you?
who go