shoplift Alec From The Wasp Factory by Iain Banks I steal things. Shoplift. It's so easy. I steal things I can't eat, just for the hell of it. Like tampons and plastic dustbin-liners and party-size packets of crisps and one hundred cocktail sticks and twelve cake-candles in various colours and photograph frames and steering-wheel covers in simulated leather and towel-holders and fabric-softeners and double-action air-fresheners to waft away those lingering kitchen smells and cute little boxed for awkward odds and ends and packs of cassettes and lockable petrol-caps and record-cleaners and telephone indexes slimming magazines pot-holders packs of name-labels artificial eyelashes make-up boxes anti-smoking mixture toy watches - 020131 ... Alec From The Wasp Factory by Iain Banks I steal things. Shoplift. It's so easy. I steal things I can't eat, just for the hell of it. Like tampons and plastic dustbin-liners and party-size packets of crisps and one hundred cocktail sticks and twelve cake-candles in various colours and photograph frames and steering-wheel covers in simulated leather and towel-holders and fabric-softeners and double-action air-fresheners to waft away those lingering kitchen smells and cute little boxes for awkward odds and ends and packs of cassettes and lockable petrol-caps and record-cleaners and telephone indexes slimming magazines pot-holders packs of name-labels artificial eyelashes make-up boxes anti-smoking mixture toy watches - 020308 ... Ivonna H. Once, when i was about 7 years old, i lived on one of three islands near Jamaica and Cuba called Grand Cayman Island, and obviously it was a very small place (it took one hour and a half to in car to cirlce the island- and it took that long because there were speed limits everywhere). So I was a some sort of small supermarket and i was in the gift section (i,e: wrapping paper, bows, blablabla...) and I took one of the pretty big shiny bows and hid it in my cloths or something (you have to understand it was quite a tramatic experience, but most of all, it was a really long time ago). Suddenly one of the security guards grabbed my shoulder, so my reaction was to grab 5 more bows and run to the cheese section... The guard's first reaction was to get his gun and fire! He hit me right in the ribs and caused god knows how many things to stop working or simply blow up. I was in a coma for about 3 months. Now i'm ok. 020308 ... carne de metal Razzle in my pocket By Ian Dury In my yellow jersey, I went out on the nick South Street, Romford Shopping Arcade Got a 'Razzle' magazine, I never paid Inside my jacket and away double quick Good sense told me once was enough But I had a cocky eye on more loose stuff With a 'Razzle' in my pocket back to have another pick Instead of being sneaky, I strolled inside I put my thieving hand on something rude I walked right out with a silhouette of nudes "Hold on, sonny", said a voice at my side, "I think you've taken one of my books" Passers-by gave me dirty looks "Not me, mister", I bravely lied We stopped by the window of a jeweller's shop "If it's money for your lunch, I'd have given you a loan" "Have you got any form? Are you on your own?" "Round to the station and we'll tell the cops" "I'm ever so ashamed, it was wicked and rash" "Here's the book back, and here's the cash" "I've never stole before, I promise I'll stop" "Crime doesn't pay, you've got honest eyes" "If we go to the law another thief is born" "And I'll get the book back, creased and torn" "So, return what you've taken and apologise" I gave him back his nudie book I said I was sorry, I slung my hook With the 'Razzle' in my pocket as the second prize 020308 ... ...ooo... i went through a time in my life when i shoplifted all the time, jewellery... rings and earings, a t-shirt. now i get scared to death with the thought of getting caught. 020308 ... misstree i only pilfer trinkets when i'm sure i won't get caught. it's smooth as silk, slipping a ring on, idly slipping the hand into the pocket... keeping something lazily cupped in the palm of the hand until the appropriate moment... acting in every way as if the rest of you had no idea what that hand were doing... it's only maybe twice a year, but entertaining enough each time. 020309 ... reitoei i remember when my grandfather cut himself somehow on a shelf in the store. he grabbed a bottle of iodine off the shelf and put some on the cut and slipped the bottle in his pocket. that was funny and it sticks in my mind for some reason 020310 ... jenny enny dots I was Winona Ryder. 040207 ... not god i got caught shoplifting once. i was with my girlfriend at the time. her name was rebeca. we went to get her mom a couple of packs of kentIII's. no shit. she talked me into stealing us some marlboros, which i did. we got caught by some fat guy upstairs. he had tv monitors and shit. he was gonna run us in, and i was scared because i was 19 and she was 15, but i loved her. i was an asshole, but that's another box of rocks. i started crying, because i was very sensitive at the time. he let us go. it sucked, but alls well that ends. 041007 what's it to you? who go blather from