to_you slothisily because you'll never read this. 040225 ... whitechocolatewalrus I'm not going anymore. There's nothing wrong with me. I don't need anyone else to talk to. I am not you. You don't need me to make you feel better about yourself because you didn't do what you needed to do. This isn't going to be helpful. This isn't helpful. Not only can I not be truthful to her, I won't be truthful to her. She can't change a damn thing. She can't change you, she can't change the past. I don't want help. I don't need help. You don't even realize that all of my sadness and depression is derived from you. Even if you guys did stop fighting, I wouldn't like you. You've hurt me too much. I'm afraid of affection, afraid of relationships altogether. I'm so afraid I'll turn out like you. I couldn't take that, I couldn't. I love you and care about you, but I don't like you. Love isn't always enough to get by, and you're walking proof of that. 040225 ... walrie dear friend, i've told you nothing at all because i know my words would mean nothing. but you, all you've told me is lies. 040228 ... Expand it doesn't matter anymore, what you may see me as. to you i'm different, be it good or bad. To me, i'm timeless within myself and stronger then i'll ever be again. Thank you for killing my heart, and showing me my strengths 040228 ... ItGirl To You... I'm not allowed to love you. I can't afford to be too kind. But every now and then you get the best of me... and I fall out of line. Sarcasm and cruelty are defenses, but sometimes it hurts too much. My sanity falls into pieces deprived of even your touch. I know I shouldn't love you... you're an asshole (least that's what I say) but I know the truth and I love you anyway. 040229 ... ethereal confused. because I wonder. who is she? what is this ball of fury about? is that ALL that you are about. you make so much sense. and then. none at all. a shadow. meaningless? what is meaningless? music is not meaningless. music has life. that i understand. but where do you cross the line between what has meaning and what has none? i love you. i am sure of that. because of what you are. and what you have the capacity to do. you always surprise me. i suppose this is nothing different. but why? can't you just be. can't you just set your mind to one thing, and let there be light. you have light within you. and you shadow. lift your shadow. be better. be well. i wish you were well. i wish all your words sounded like a letter. a letter to an undisclosed. i don't know what i mean. and yet. well. you have the capability and power to back you up to be well. BE WELL DAMNIT!!!!!!!!!!!! 040307 ... meg I'm freezing and cold. I'm shaking with fear. And all I want is your pain. 040307 ... Borealis pain is a drug an opiate a very very strong opiate some run from their pain.. others embrace other's pain in order to keep their own at bay.. I know I do I hate watching you writhing in it because I know that much of it is mine. Why you take it is beyond me..never has anyone bothered..it does not assuage it..it does not lessen it..it simply spreads it around.. you know my soul through my memories.. you have seen every motive..and every underlying motive..and every expressed or non-expressed feeling, thought, or action.. I cannot hide from you I don't need a God.. if a person can pierce my soul, and see me for who I am..why would something omnipotent bother? you're something else finite beings are not meant to know everything. it chokes them. I hate the thought of you succumbing to that on my account. particularily when I cannot do anything to appreciate it past causing you more. just don't drown. don't drown 040314 ... Borealis I fear I will never be well because all I want is my own pain... and that pain to stop hurting others 040314 ... meg i don't know everything. i just love. i love you. because i can. because i need to. because i want to. because i can see you. because when i feel blind i can still see you. i see you. and still love you. i hurt you. not because i love you. i hurt you because i am selfish. i don't know any better. i don't want to hurt you. but i need hurt. to feel. to know that love exists. ashley. i love you. 040314 ... peyton i walked around my good intentions and found that there were none i blame my father for the wasted years we hardly talked i never thought I would forget this hate then a phone call made me realize i'm wrong and if I don't make it know that I loved you all along just like sunny days that we ignore because we're all dumb and jaded and I hope God I figure out what's wrong i walked around my room not thinking just sinking in this box i blame myself for being too much like somebody else i never thought I would just bend this way but a phone call made me realize i'm wrong and if i don't make it know that i loved you all along just like snowy days that we've known because we're all dumb and jaded and i hope to god i figure out what's wrong 051101 ... three words people_who_seem_to_have_it_all to_you formal_sex 101220 what's it to you? who go blather from