the_thought_of_you Traveller measures me in a complete silence, it brings me tears in the night, and yet it shows me a smile, when i the_thought_of_you comes. caresses my lips in silence, shouts at me in moments passed, writes to me in a ghosts tongue, makes me blue in emptiness. is layered now in unfolding, a difference in arguement, a boxed complacency, a yearning for your ear. 081031 ... In_Bloom Makes me feel a hero and at the same time a fool Having raised my fist against the Infernal Universe I knew I might not win But alongside you... I didn't think I would lose 081031 ... unhinged when faced with a blocked call at bar time and now again this morning can still make my stomach turn and my hands shake stop_it_stop_it_stop_it 081101 ... Doar *come here little personality...time to go back in the cupboard* . 090514 ... In_Bloom I deleted the phone number blocked the e-mail wiped clean traces of my names I... I've hidden you from myself As much as I want for those moments The truth of you hurts me And I'd much rather weep 090514 ... unhinged if i am thinking of you i'm not with you because when we are together there isn't you but us photographic_memory not just thoughts but pictures like a slideshow in my brain 090515 ... In_Bloom Comes with each late night/early morning phone call from Unknown Number And the silence across the device, I test Times are I've hung up immediately while others I've let linger I've not yet spoken beyond answering with my name Have you any idea how it hurts? 090624 ... unhinged as_if_time_had_just_begun these_days i am often pleasantly distracted 090625 ... Death of a Rose is enter twined, a cactus flower we noticed. It was a pavement we scored our hearts, travelling was all we knew, you looked at the gear I was in, I looked to you for the forward motion. you always had me between the steps of you thoughts. you told me not to tread there, it couldn't be printed, you chastened me that it was not of you. i argued against each harm you did. all i can think of is a loss of interest. i can't reconcile my being with you anymore. it is killing me. I consume so much alchohol on a daily basis. Why can't I get you out of my soul, my heart, my flesh? Everything i had and i have is yours. i know this is not your heart, your being has been gone from for so long...sooo very long. no matter what i put upon this website, it is a loss that devestates me. these fingers were meant for you, but my status is becoming fragile. . 101205 ... unhinged i fill my days with trying to empty my mind i wake up to my routine: coffee reading meditating yoga work but it's all just a distraction from the thought that i am achingly alone (i've let the meditation slip by the wayside; i was getting far off course, frustrated that i could get so distracted so easily and today at work i took my frustrations out on a co_worker and almost got fired) right now my bed is empty cold i forgot what the winter was like alone 101205 ... sunsetblue i wish i knew if you were okay. 101206 ... hsg I'm_okay_you're_okay 101206 ... lovekilledlove the thought of you leaving me for a year or whatever time you need to spend taking care of others but me it's stifling. it kills me and it empties me. how much love and how much pain to remain. 101206 ... unhinged is breaking my heart i_need_more_hugs 110406 ... In_Bloom Such is the passage of time that it shouldn't sting me anymore to see your traces and find your voice in my head. What you admired, I went and defiled just in case you should ever stand before me again and try to twinkle your eyes. Reinvented, reinvested and remobilized. My gears mesh go. 111023 ... unhinged breaks my heart but that doesn't hurt the way it used to im_too_old_for_this 190512 ... arwyn makes me so angry. you walked away from your son. My beautiful, smart, funny, kind, wonderful son that you share no credit in raising. I'm so glad karma bit you in the ass. So fucking glad. 190512 what's it to you? who go blather from