dear_someone kidblink dear (i can't even say your name) you are the top you are the highest high i ever wanted thank you for not allowing me to be a stupid girl. 040511 ... kidblink i saw you four times yesterday. "stop whining, you've done everything now" that building is just wonderful. the holly poked me, poked me...give me miles and miles of mountains and i'll ask for the sea. You're the sea. 040513 ... kidblink You moved out yesterday, and she cried, and I just sat there because I'm not allowed to be sad. I knew I would see you again, but I never thought it would be so soon. He said "there" and you kissed and my head is spinning. It felt like a setup, but I knew it couldn't be. I don't understand the look in your eyes or the way they were closed. No stiff lips, it was good and it was soft. 040520 ... kidblink my dear....someone. 040520 ... phil letter 040521 ... pete do you listen to the words that are spoken in side and out and all around? do you feel the light shinning through the deepest cracks in to this joyfilled world of mine? is the day coming clean. is the hour passing near. and now i take my walk, i take my self, and i go far away through this haze... 040521 ... kidblink what's going on??? 040523 ... kidblink in the heat of summer sunshine, I miss you like nobody else. Home just makes me feel full of nothing, except thoughts to take up my time and running around in my own brain trying to remember. You wanted to know where I was, you wanted to sing to me and drink with me and sit me on your lap. And all that is what I want to remember. 040524 ... kidblink i can't get to you... 040616 ... kidblink i can't get to you, you're too far away. I miss you like nobody else. There's nothing for me to do, but go on living like you don't exist. If this is love, I'm not sure I want it. Leaves me empty more than full, leaves you walking out my door. Right behind, ahead, where am I? This is different than I ever thought it would be. I am empty more than full, you have walked out my door...a hundred times. You have stilled my breath with the force of your affection. Or affectation, illusion. Once again you don't know how you affect me with you enthusiasm. Or lack thereof. Left me empty one night, full. As you were walking out my door. As you were sitting in the west, with my thoughts full in forbidden. As I see you watch me walk, your eyes with a question. This is different than I ever thought you would be. I miss you like never before, think your name a thousand times a day, see your face. And painful reminders at your flight, your swinging arms out my door. 040706 ... kidblink you are, my dear someone, you are. And I am, and we have not been. And I...I...? I don't even know. Can somebody else tell me if I'm crazy? We go to dinner, and he purposely sits me in between he and his girlfriend, who he ignores when I'm around? But he won't hug me, or touch me when she's around. Am I insane to let him act like that? 040920 ... kidblink he calls me three times a day, he finds me when he doesn't have to, he hugs me up and down the hall, with his hands around my waist. he walks with me, to keep me safe. he talks with me about the first time we met, and he remembers. but the next night, he's waiting for his girlfriend to get into town. how does this work for him? am i a safe place, is that all? 041019 ... kidblink which one are you? 041027 ... kidblink it's like esp 041110 ... kidblink You really are 041214 ... oneiros i've been obsessed with you for five years i've had boyfriends and affairs, yes, but would always prioritize you above anything else without thinking (it was always a large detriment to these relationships) i don't know why (you once said that i couldn't help what i felt, perhaps we can, but it resonated) you like me, your attracted to me, but you don't love me? i know you you don't love me... ? oh, and your ass is mega hot (yum) 041214 ... kidblink somewhere, out there. 050201 ... jane can i come over after class? 050201 ... drstrangelove you have touched my essence in some small way... 050201 ... oneiros i threw you out and lived without you had you been using me? do you now? you called me and we reconciled i'm somebody, my name is not notch, and we love each other i'd heard once that native americans responded to hard liquor occasionally by indulging in mass homicidal behavior i think you exhibit some aspect, however diluted its funny, right now i know who i'm talking to, but i'm not quite sure anyway, now what? i can talk to you forever or never and always know you; your a huge loser (in the technical sense) and can't function well enough to achieve what you need and your in denial about your disfunction :( i have fears, please be as cool with me as i am with them; but be cooler to yourself mr.guy 050321 ... shivers im so cold. 050321 what's it to you? who go blather from