birdmad_tell_me sabbie something from inside the ever, ever curious. 030519 ... birdmad what would you like to know? 030519 ... sabbie something from inside your head. from one of the dusty corners you dont visit much where the dustmotes dance and bow in the light of the curious 030519 ... birdmad the floors of those corners are tricky, i've been known to paint myself into some of them 030520 ... ever dumbening of the desert at night 030520 ... sabbie i see a dark corner with painted birdmad footprints silently trailing away into the gloom... thank you sir. thats very pretty 030527 ... birdmad dust, debris, and me. all feathers and sand beneath the faint red beamless light of the eclipsed moon. i'm just waiting for the wind to scatter me 030527 ... ever dumbening of cactus-scratched skin 030527 ... x why? 030528 ... sabbie sitting cross legged on a dune at midnight, nolight from the dark of the moon singing to the bones and ash and dust. the wind gently plays the tree leaves like a death harp and the tears glisten and fall and dent the sand ever so softly singing to the bones... 030602 ... birdmad just outside the city's edge at every border, the wild desert looms. In some places is is sagebrush, tumbleweeds and the wastes of the low desert, more soil than sand creosote, palo_verde, dry riverbeds where the murmur and roar of the water is just a memory in another direction, the rocky expanses, rolling terrain and more low scrub, craggy rock faces, the quartz and the sandstone and the saguaros who stand sentinel, their arms raised in surrender to the relentless sky, the barrel cactus low and thick, the zen master of the wastelands, directing its energy inward to survive the barrenness, instead of reaching for some outward resolution by grasping towards heaven most of the life that moves about finds itself waiting_for_the_night light and heat may be life, but the desert in full sun, no matter which desert on earth you may be in, is the mainline easy to get too much too soon 030602 ... x why me? 030603 ... unhinged why do you live in the desert? does the heat make you thrive? 030603 ... birdmad -- why not? -- i was born here and have yet to be able to arrange a suitable escape? 030604 ... bird besides, you're the one who lifted the cover off of my cage... i was hoping you'd let me out too, but i guess it's enough to see the sky through the bars, right? so i should be the one to ask you that question, love. 041124 ... sab bars, he said i can see the bars night and streetlights and staggering arm in arm i can see the next bar he said and fell into the gutter i was too drunk to bother standing anymore so i sat next to him and he lay on the footpath and sang to me as people passed by and threw coins for the song or the drunken beggars on the pavement i still dont know but he sang to me of a life not known and a boy who never was and when i looked back he was gone but i had enough money for beer and i walked off into the night ive never found that gutter again where he was born and lived and then was gone but thats ok i still have him in my head although i never knew what he looked like 041124 ... daxle i don't connect with a lot of people in this world on a profound level. when i find people who i do connect with, i try to hold onto them. we can't force relationships to become what we want them to. i'm just doing my best, and fucking up sometimes. 041124 ... pajaro todavia mas enamorado que enojado it's not that i'm trying to force anything, (at least i don't think so because hell knows creating that sort of impression has always been one of my biggest fears)... but it's also not as if you haven't ever added fuel to this particular spark only to change oourse without warning, in person and in words You confuse the hell out of me and you've put more than a couple of good-sized dents in my heart, but even when you've left me wanting and wondering in deference to some seemingly more favored other and pondering the idea of whether or not i should just give up, there is some connection, (however strained at times) that, like you said, i'm not 100% willing to let go of 041124 ... birdmad I dreamed i was a monkey on a string and it took a long scary time to wake up no, wait, that wasn't a dream? shit. and there's no desk i can go to to get those years refunded. 060112 what's it to you? who go blather from