unhinged i put all the pieces i could
in a box
in a part of my closet
that i hardly ever go

pieces of you
in a box
in a part of my closet
that i hardly ever go
there you are

i boxed up
all the parts of you i could
but there are other more vague parts
i can't get rid of

i'm still crying
i'm still pretending
i'm still answering your phone calls

so all the parts i boxed up
and tried to hide away
are still making my eyes glazed
my skin itch
my heart break

and i'm still pretending when i talk to you
that i don't hurt this fucking bad
because i don't like to be vulnerable either
i don't think you should know
that you can make me feel like this
i smile
the best deception
i smile
unhinged even when i exhale
that cigarette
my chest feels tight

i sit on the sidewalk
late at night
hoping you'll walk by

only trite rhymes come to mind
i'm tired
everything i try
leaves me empty_handed
i'm right back where i started

i've been drinking all night
and my chest still feels tight
unhinged it_goes_on

(you called not soon after
your friend saw me walking home from the bar
we sat up playing cards

and as you left
i hugged you
the way i always want to
the curvature of
arms wrapped around

i think that cat
got back out of the bag)
unhinged you told me my feelings were overwhelming and that you just wanted something casual. casual. ha.

even after i told you i didn't have casual feelings for you, even after you said you 'weren't trying to thwart my feelings' you still wanted to be friends. you still wanted me to box up the parts that made you uncomfortable and keep putting myself out there for you to be disappointed over and over.

that's why i've never had a long term relationship; every person i care enough about is intimidated by my feelings and wants to box me up as their friend and save me for later.

i can be your friend
unhinged yesterday
i went in the cupboard
in the part of my kitchen where i rarely go
( tarnished )
i was purging my apartment of
things i don't need to take with me

i thought i was ready to
throw you away

i have a new beautiful relationship in my life
everything you told me i deserved
i cry much less now
i think of you much less
(as long as you aren't calling)

some of it was easy to toss:
a book about some conspiracy theory
one lonely sock

and then i found a letter you wrote me
on an unopened piece of mail for an old tenant
about how i was the light on your path
that i reminded you of good things
that you had forgotten

angry force tossed the letter into the garbage can
tears rolled down my cheeks
yet again

and i remembered why i
boxed those things up
and put them in a part of the cupboard i rarely go

now i know why
they were so hard for me
why you were so hard for me
to get rid of

i dug farther in the box:
found some letters_unsent
i had written you
after we broke up for good
opened them
reread them

more anger
more tears

and then i found some of it
that i couldn't throw away
a real photograph of you
(you told me there aren't many in the world)
the cloth you gave me
the ring

i still love you
the voicemail you left recently
'i know you hate me...'
just gave me more resolve to walk_away

parts of me are with you
now i'm with someone else

i hope you let someone love you
unhinged fuck_you_lucy
for not understanding
that when it's romantic_vs_platonic
its fucking unbelievable
for you to expect me
to be happy
that you've found someone else

i wish this fucking wheel would break already
i'm back to ignoring you
(at least for awhile
at least until life throws me something
i can't bear to handle all alone)
unhinged the lotus candleholder you got me adorns his shrine.

after the last fight, i see no reason to ever answer your calls again
unhinged all_i_need

i don't even see the point
in leaving the house
what's it to you?
who go