swallow_the_bullet Doar Acres covered with penintant sweeps of the gossamer branches, aching with a silent resolve. Slight gray fading of the nail cracked boards were the only thing betraying the still heart, quiet in a glass reflection. Watching the upward path of the searching eyes, drawn to wipe away a spot on the dust covered window pane, peeling frame containing lead contaniments. Wiping just enough to peer upwards into the grey sky, matching the colour of the lathe and board building, beyond acceptance in this new world. Losing sight of the freedom afforded the avian wonder. Slipping the gaze languidly back to the toiled earth, hearing the faint rumblings of carbon monoxide spewing contrivance off in the distance. Sighing heavily, unbending the sight to stare through the once loved hovel, a place where tears were wept, howls of laughter were embedded, secret smiles passed among those long dead inhabitants, like small trinkets only closeness to each other would make sense and joy a cropped meal. Nothing except that popping noise could break this rememberance of a fairy tale local history. Transferring the right of the individual to the right of the collective, trampling a path towards conformity. That was all that was left in this place. Where they all would become, where they would all swallow the bullet. 040407 ... notme . 040407 ... birdmad when i can no longer dodge it, i will consider this as an alternative 060201 ... Doar I am considering this more every day. I feel useless, afraid, out of love, and other useless things.i don't know what to live and love for anymore. . 230506 ... . yesterday on my way home i got harassed on the bus by a stranger to the point i got off the bus early and cried myself to sleep today my boss's boss asked me to do a special project that i kicked ass at I made a baby smile i listened to a bitty bird sing it's little heart out tomorrow is a new day man 230506 ... D What a fucking truism. Another fucking rotation around the sun. What do ai have before me? Ruin. What do i have behind me? Disaster. What do you have right now? You and yours. 230507 ... daf Dream. Dream as though your life depended on it, because it does. Hope. Because without hope, you have what you have right now, maybe less, but certainly diminishing. Be. Because we didn't start this story, did it little service when we tried to narrate it, and have no idea how awesome the ending might be if we stfu and stop knowing so much about the future. P.S. Suicide is pointless. So is blind conformity. P.P.S. Love you very much,brother. Sorry for being so absent sometimes. 230510 ... . i have lost so much in the past four years but this is not the place to enumerate when my dad died i literally couldn't get out of bed for months cried my eyes puffy everyday because my heart broke so deep down i think i may have had a clinical heart attack (grief is known to do that cause heart attacks) the past few years been dark for us all i know you feel like shit so do i but the birds keep singing regardless 230510 ... Doar Yes those noisey, ever chattering, and shoving each other out of the way for food. I have learned some patterns of behaviour that is akin to an Attenborgough narrating the observations of a slow decay into oblivion. Be the change you want to see in this world. I really fucking feel sorry for the next generation, That has to deal with the mess, destruction, apathy, division between mindsets, unbelievable chaos, and I pray to my higher power that it will come to pass. But my higher power is really being tested right now. 240504 what's it to you? who go blather from