pariah Doar hmmm...ok...guess I should say goodbye then....not like the last time, where I was very deep in the cups. But where I should say "Thank You All". I don't know what else to do for you. While my brain is trying to process what I have learned in the last 30 minutes, i still can't..... can't.....switch from now to then..... i've been told by Nom and Des and Amy and Nicole and Jane and Keek, to not contact them anymore. six women telling me not to talk with them. 6 women, whom i respect, but they tell me not to contact them... thanks. 101202 ... n o m e e what? i never said not to contact me? wtf? 101202 ... n o m e e 2nd question mark should be a period 101202 ... n o m e e doar i never said don't contact me. i'm sorry i didn't respond to your last email, but i have been going through some stuff...i told you that already. i don't think you really have an idea what my life is like day to day, a lot of people don't. i have woken up with severe nausea almost every morning this year and have had a lot of physical pain as well as sadness (not that my life is all bad). it's a struggle at times. as i said before, you haven't exactly made real attempts to see how i am feeling, what's going on with me,...and you didn't send me your address still after i asked for it. i am not sure what kind of 'friendship' you expect, but i am sorry, i often fall short of being a good_friend. it's very easy to disappoint i am finding. i told you i am always here reading, sometimes writing. and making music and sharing it. sometimes i can't give much more. i really rarely talk on the phone with anyone but my mom, not even her sometimes, and have only used skype to talk with F when he was away. i've been trying to get together with this one old friend since may - i am really terrible. if you or anyone else wants to be in more touch with me, simply add me on facebook - though i don't always get to responding to messages on there either, (no reason for instance sent me a note recently asking me 'what's wrong' and i haven't responded to her yet - )- but i am always sharing stuff and checking out what people are up to and trying to keep in touch a little at least. maybe i will start using skpye more, but i am often, like now, using the computer when i'm not feeling well. the thought of opening gmail is exhausting at times. 101203 ... n o m e e also, why do you mention (name) that these 6 people are all women?? 101203 ... unhinged *sigh* i also didn't say that you shouldn't contact me, just that i couldn't talk to you on the phone. still, i am not responsible for my cell phone bill and i have to respect the people that are. also, that situation happened many years ago. and many times since then, i feel like you have taken things i've said here personally that weren't even about you. i apologize to you, then you tell me i have nothing to apologize for. then, at some point you flip out about the same thing again. i understand that you are sensitive. i am too. but i am up to my eyeballs with this dear. i love all my skites and want to stay on good terms with pretty much everyone here, including you. this place and this community have been super important to me for ten years now. please take a step back and try to objectively figure out what's really going on here. you seem very reactive to me lately. take a breath and let_it_go 101203 ... doar holy jesus, i don't remember doing this. i must be schizo in your minds. i'm very sorry. . 101203 ... unhinged it just happened yesterday boodhi .... blacking out is scary i hope you aren't have that problem 101203 ... Doar thank you Unhinged. thank you, thank you. i am so happy that you haven't condemned me for last night, so very relieved. But that doesn't excuse the things i did. i have two personalities, it seems here. One is the person who needs love and the other who lashes out at those i hold dear. if i could i'd let this nasty person go. thank you again. much love your way Unhinged. . 101203 ... Doar and know Nom that..... I don't know what to say to you anymore. The times we have spent together, are so far apart. . 110913 ... - have_you_every_thought 110913 what's it to you? who go blather from