bobbie_uranium jennifer The Legend of Bobbie Uranium ** "I can't say I've seen much worse." - OC Weekly. Chainsaw Vixens From Vector Three shot Bobbie Uranium into lower class stardom within months. After a short-lived waitress career at a local Long Beach Denny's in sunny Southern California, she auditioned for the part in what later became known as the cult reject of the century. Apparently even Rocky Horror fans wouldn't touch this movie. C. Haun, the writer/director of the atrocity, which was released by Briercrest Pictures, a then no-name production company whose secrecy and bottomless funding made the films possible, took one look at Bobbie and said, "This girl is destined for fame." Little did he know how inversely true that statement actually was. Soon after CVFV3, C.Haun vowed that he would make twelve sequels to the would-be legend. Several death threats and mail bombs followed almost immediately after the announcement. The entire film industry simultaneously turned their backs on C.Haun and swore that every person who even picked up the box in a video rental place would be black-listed to movie hell. Nevertheless, the director didn't care in the least. Using an almost identical cast in all of his movies, C.Haun spewed forth a sick onslaught of bad one-liners and horrible, yet somehow gut-wrenching, special effects that would make Ed Wood cringe and the folks at ILM(Industrial Light & Magic) wet themselves and cry. Yet, the cast stayed on for the obvious fact that they could not get work anywhere else. And with the exception of Donald Sutherland, who had a small role in CVFV3, he is the only one who made out of the situation with reputation intact. He still has to endure a constant barrage of questions from dozens of reporters and is rumored to have his own spin-doctor in case things get ugly. Harrison Ford is also rumored to have made a cameo in a Bobbie Uranium film as well. Bubblegum: The Lightsaber Retrieval Project, is actually a nightmare that the actor can't get away from. After C.Haun listed his name in the credits, along with George Lucas' name giving credit to writing the movie, a huge lawsuit battle ensued and is supposedly still being delt with in court to this day between Harrison Ford and Sixes and Sevens Films. Lucas did absolutely nothing about the situation except make the solitary statement of;"…does that look like the kind of crap that I would write? Seriously, does it?" He was never questioned on the subject again. But C.Haun, Bobbie Uranium, and the entire cast of the movie swear up and down that he was present during the entire shooting of the film, provided technical advice and pronounced his undying love for all the Bobbie Uranium films to date. Within the span of two years, Bobbie Uranium starred in a total of six films directed by C.Haun and produced by the people at Briercrest Productions. And up until the final film, people shunned her and had an over-all distaste for her. For example, at the premier of Hammerhead Sock Puppet Inferno, if it hadn't been for the quick thinking of a local gas station attendant, she would have had to be rushed to the hospital for shrapnel wounds caused by the grenades that a few rebel kids had thrown into the crowd. The attendant, who wished to be nameless, regretted the heroic act immediately following the realization of saving Bobbie Uranium's life. He later shot himself. It wasn't until the release of the final Bobbie Uranium film, Hiatus Magnifique, The Final Days of Bobbie Uranium did the entire world turn a 180 and take real notice in her work. People were astonished at the quality of writing, directing and acting that the film portrayed. It was unlike any Sixes and Sevens film they had seen before. It got outstanding reviews and within the first week spread to every major theater in the country. It was rumored to be Gene Siskel's last review and some die-hard fans believe that it was the one that killed him. Suddenly people were knocking down Ms. Uranium's door for autographs, film roles and so much more. Nobody could believe that this was the same combination of actors and director that originally appeared in Chainsaw Vixens From Vector Three. It was nominated for the AFI's Top 100 Films and that year received eight nominations for Academy Awards including Best Actress, Best Director, Best Screenplay and Best Picture. Unfortunately, it did not win any of the nominated awards. The popularity of the film was so instantaneous and with the obvious track record, nobody really voted for it for fear of bad press. Bobbie Uranium didn't care in the slightest. She was just happy that she had made her mark on the film industry world. And as for the writer/director, C.Haun mysteriously disappeared and went into hiding right after the reviews of the last film. The rest of the cast went off on their own show business careers but the legend of Bobbie Uranium will be etched the back of Hollywood with a sharp knife forever. If you ever visit the Mann's Chinese Theater down in Hollywood, look closely at the southwest corner of the handprints in the cement. There is a rough cut out of the pavement(by a chainsaw is the rumor) and the initials B.U. crudely carved into it along with the word 'forever'. Hardcore fans will tell you that Bobbie Uranium carved that the day Chainsaw Vixens was released. An omen of the destined fame she would work so hard to acquire. 000616 what's it to you? who go blather from