he's_no_john_hanover_but_he'll_do eklektic i saw him on the first day we moved in, but only his back. he was wearing one of many green t-shirts and he had good hair. i knew that much. later the next night, he came over with this roommate to help us set up our digital cable and later that night came over with a DVD for me and my roommate to watch with him. we all sat on the balcony and talked instead. since then we've all been inseperable. me, rachel, john, ted, crazy rachel...a little family of sorts. and its nice. but john's so attractive. so incredibly attractive. tall with shaggy brown hair, very nice shaggy brown hair. blue eyes with long eye lashes and one of the most amazing mouths i've ever seen. and the adorble skinniness that some boys possess. to make matters worse, he lives across the hall, is in my major and has every class with me. we walk to school - 30 minutes through the city, both ways- every day. and its nice. we watch movies on his iMac almost everyday. sometimes more than one movie. and we sit on his couch under either his or my blanket. and we cuddle. yeah, i know...i have a boyfriend. but at first, i figured, a little harmless cuddling. i cuddled with other ppl back home when i was with my boyfriend. cuddling is quite a harmless thing. besides...i'm a cuddle whore. i cant help it. so we cuddle. and he strokes my arms. and i stroke his fingers. and he holds my hand. and puts his arm around my shoulder. and we take naps together. we get in his bed and fall asleep laying next to each other, my arm over his chest, his arm around the back of my neck. its a totally platonic sort of way. at first. then we'd start sleeping together all the time. i'd sleep in his bed at nite instead of mine. we'd never do anything. we just slept. then in the morning, i'd get up and go back to my room across the hall. no one minds. my roommate always had ted sleep in her bed. they never did anything. they just slept. harmless sleep. oh wait. the harmlessness stopped there. we were on his couch in his room, listening to xiu xiu on his computer. his roommate was sitting at his computer, working on something. we'd slightly fallen asleep, i had a flu. he was sleepy. i always touch his stomach when we're on the couch. harmless. then my hand went under his shirt. then his hand went under mine. then my fingers traced the tops of his pants. the tops of his old navy briefs. fingers traced the underwire of my bra. he tickled my lower back. all under the blanket. on his couch. with his roommate in the room. both of us look asleep. our eyes were closed, the blanket was pulled up. but we were wide awake. his breathing would catch in his chest when i got closer to his belly button. my breathing would get rapid as he touched my stomach. we were very quiet. i put my hand lower onto his abdomen. then i felt the top of his briefs again. and out of sheer curiousity, i wanted to see if he liked it. if he liked it when i touched his stomach. when i put my hand down lower, i noticed that he did. so i did what any dirty girl with a boyfriend on the couch with a cute italian guy would do. i gave him a hand job. under the blankets. with his roommate in the room. and he was quiet. about everything. and so was i. and afterwards, i wiped my hand on the inside of his pants, regretted what i had done and rolled over on the couch, my back facing him. he hugged me from behind, nuzzled into my neck and started rubbing my hand. i wanted to die. at that very moment, i didnt like him anymore. not like i used to. i felt like it was all just a physical attraction. that no - i never really liked him in the first place. it was just nice to cuddle with him. to look at him. to touch him. only problem is, and its not that i believe in horoscopes or anything, but its just amusing that my horoscope the other day said "you've been struck dumb by love. either there's a new romantic interest in your life, or you've suddenly begun to see your current romantic interest in a much deeper more beautiful way. toward the middle of the week, you'll have a much stronger sense than you have had in a while about what matters in your life what can be stripped away." what? why? all iknow is that, 12 hours later, i miss him. cause he's in class. and im at home with the flu. but i also have somoene else im supposed to be missing back home. wtf? i think this is coming from the entire "lets not be so physical" thing that the boyfriend and i started. but with john...he doesn't really care. a friend of mine said "its because he's catholic". i doubt that. not his catholicism, but that being the reason. but i like to cuddle with him. and sleep and take naps with him. and touch his stomach. cuz afterwards, he nuzzles my neck and as sick as it makes me feel,i like it. wtf? 040723 what's it to you? who go blather from