someone_listen cheer-up-emo-kid ok, Im going to talk. I just need to say things and sort them out. no one has to listen. alright. Im pretty sure Im all fucked up because I havent seen my boyfriend in 42 days. Im not allowed to see him because my mom found out a whole bunch of stuff. but thats not the problem. the problem is that Ive been alone in my house by myself for a very long time. and I have no one to talk to. my sleep patterns are all messd up. I dont even get remotely tired until 3 in the morning and I dont wake up until like 12:30. and my thought patterns are all messed up too. billions of thoughts go through my head for no reason and I try to stop and sort them out but I cant. and I dont know what I do all day. I get ideas of things to do, but when I try I just cant concentrate on them. I just sit around for hours and do nothing. but while Im doing nothing, it doesnt seem like Im doing nothing. I dont know where the hours go. I dont even know what the point of any of this is. I think its that I need someone to come give me a hug. I'll give you directions to my house. 020723 ... she *would come and rescue you from your silence, but lives in BFE* Can you leave the house? If so, strap on some fruitboots and work some of your troubles out on the fly. If not, do something to occupy your mind. Reading a book is usually the best way. As long as you can get into the book, you're okay. I'm around if you just need someone to listen, also. *hugs* 020723 ... phil you just need to listen to yourself live moment by moment your eyes staring wide open get a glass of water go in and out of the house but don't do to much tv god I hate that eventually you'll calm down and handle making decisions for yourself. I think anyways. I like excercise better than reading, but whatever floats your boat. Try learning to cook, good food rocks. 020723 ... cheer-up-emo-kid Im allowed out of my house, but I live on a mountain so its all gravel. plus, there isnt anything at all around. I cant even go to a 7-11. and I would cook but I cant conentrate on anything. I cant draw or paint anymore. I have so many good ideas for peices I'd like to do, but I cant sit down and do them. I dont know why. everything is so god damned frustrating. 020723 ... cheer-up-emo-kid but Im definately going to try concentrating on the simple things. Im going to try to realize what Im doing when I do it. lately its been weird. I'll be sitting in a chair with a soda, and I'll think "I dont remember getting a drink" there is something wrong with my brain. 020723 ... squint ~god~(*damn!*) thats exactly how i feel. minus the boyfriend part. those things seem to come and go. i wish i knew what to tell you, but then I'd have the answer for myself and I wouldnt be in this position either. its like I'm about to explode, but things are so mild that its not a possibility. I'd crack, I'd slip, I'd fall except I don't know where I'd end up in the end, so I can't. Sometimes I'll hold myself still for what seems like forever and just think and stare and suddenly I feel like I'm caving into myself.... i wish I had some answers for you. try to find something to look forward to...lately thats all thats been keeping me slightly sane--imagining what could be in the future. possibilities. 020724 ... cheer-up-emo-kid yeah youre totally right. sometimes I wish that I would explode and have a giant breakdown but I never do. things just keep getting worse and worse but never bad enough to break me. I do hope you feel better soon. 020724 ... Eleventy Five thats exactly how my friend tony is. he'll stare at a wall for 6-8hours at a time. he doesn't eat. doesn't sleep much. but he doesn't act particularly strange if you make the effort to interact with him. he say's that he's just "figuring stuff out." i think you need some friends emo kid...how'd you get stuck way up in the mountain? 020724 ... cheer-up-emo-kid eh, Ive lived on the mountail my whole life. I live in virginia so there are a lot of those. mountains, that is. 020725 ... the cheer-up kid Too much perspective can do your head in. I find masturbation works wonders. 020726 ... Dafremen Stop listening to them. Listen to yourself and doing nothing won't seem like such a huge waste of time. 020726 ... cheer-up-emo-kid thanks. youre right. things arent as bad now. I saw my boyfriend yesterday and now I spend my time thinking of yesterday. and thats better for me I guess. I dont know. I dont make sense, 020726 ... -Sister Magdalena Hagdalena Hoopa-Talka Walka-Tald A good bowel movement is always better than bad sex. 020726 ... phil today 020729 ... Emz look you neeeeeeeeeeed 2 get out of your house! you should sneek 2 c him 040307 ... no reason whoa. come on, people. pay attention to the dates of the blathers. 040307 ... three words significant_in_your_life fuckin' someone_listen 051114 what's it to you? who go blather from