dashboard_glow unhinged maybe i felt stupid because it reminded me of what i used to think was cool when i was a little kid. i never thought the things i thought were cool would actually happen to me when i was a little kid. i've tried to date 'normal' guys my age. it doesn't really work. i've never really tried to date a girl, but i've fallen in love with plenty of them and cuddled with a few. but we were driving on our way to ashtabula in his older minivan that reminded me of the first one my family ever owned. everything about him made me feel like a little kid. i felt myself being way too quick to babble with him. and i would look at him side-long and the only light would be the green glowing of the instrument panel and he would look at me the same way and nod his head and i would turn back to the window and stare out at the stars and let the car be quiet with his music. he hoboed for awhile. he taught himself how to play the sittar. i was always intruiged by baggy pants. i wanted to lay outside with him and look up at the stars and talk about what music really was. and hold his bearded face in my hands and smoke pot with him all day long. but i just sat uncomfortably near him and rolled down the window occasionally to smoke a cigarette. we didn't get back to your house soon enough and i said goodbye from afar wanting to be comfortable again in the smallness of my own presence. 020126 ... unhinged and what a small presence it is 020223 ... Grievance your prescence is domineering and edging on omniprescence, unhinged. I've always enjoyed your prescence, and this is a great example of it. *bows* :::::: The road snaked beneath the headlights of the old dodge dart, a yellow stain shooting yellow stains into the dark, but there was one blue light amongs all the yellow of the car, the headlights, and the dashboard. It indicated that your lights were on bright, and all i could do was stare at it through the miles home, bouncing, and sometimes blurring.. telling me secrets of the quiet, of the esoteric philosophy that buzzes whitely and blindly past our greyed vision. the blue light was the pinpoint of interest for my mind to tell itself it was focusing. but i fooled it, i was really thinking of millions of things i'll never learn, or learn and then forget. god the moon was pretty, irredecent and foggy back then. 020223 ... unhinged thanks grievance but in reality, far away from this blue place, i am a little tick that infects with lyme disease from time to time but is easily eridicated between the thumb and finger. 020223 ... you i hit the dashboard when it was open. it flew open when we crashed. before i knew it i was in an angels arms which grew with a sense of security. 020224 ... red marks green and fuzzy 020726 ... phil today 020729 ... unhinged we had already been drinking when we got the bad news; i guess it could have been worse but it was still bad. when the only silver lining in a rather bleak grey little cloud is 'well, at least he isn't dead' that's some bad news indeed. i get melancholy when i drink. i got especially loaded and we decided on a road trip to pick up some green. she stopped at the gas station for papers. as soon as she left, i melted into a puddle of tears. i get melancholy when i drink. bad news only makes it worse. she came back unexpectedly because the place across the street was the only place around with papers. i sniffed and rubbed my face and then she got out again. when she came back, i grabbed her hand after she started the car and in the orange glow from the dashboard i said 'don't ever do that to me again. this summer, and you not telling me, and i should have known...don't ever do that to me again.' when i looked up at her, she stammered a little bit 'i won't.' i reached over and pulled her to me and i started to cry again. i sniffled into her ear 'promise me; promise me that you won't ever do that again.' she tried to pull away but i held on tighter 'i promise.' 'that if you get into trouble like that you'll tell me?' 'i promise.' 'you better.' i slowly let her go and we drove off looking for smoke. 050107 what's it to you? who go blather from