cole EECP Hello Cole? Are you listening? 020415 ... cole what I listen for and what I hear are not the same as the words spoken and I know this 020415 ... unhinged he was so sweet, gave the best hugs called me cole little kids almost always call me cole it makes my face all scrunchy 020416 ... EECP so what is it that you are listening for? What do you hear? Or do I already know? 020426 ... yummychuckle joshua J cole makes me smile 020426 ... birdmad cole porter 020426 ... cole Where is Cole, you ask? What is it she hears that makes her hide, hide from the one who taught her truth health love and pain? He's not the one who holds her heart, but he taught her how it's done so as to not break it, as his is breaking And no, she hasn't been pursuing another to lick her wounded core, the remains of which echo a time when she could love and feel for him for them - a time when she sparkled a little But now she just tries to lick her own wounds (she's tired of everyone else biting her crumbled bits of dignity) Cole is far away and it's easy if she tries to close out the sounds of pure ancient carbon - begging, crying from the depths of the earth - for the inevitable: pressure, time... and all that goes into that small miralce that is becoming a hard, perfect jewel. I know it's painful - not the pressure; you can tolerate the aches not the time; you have all the patience it's the uncertainty of the cusp; the question: will it come to pass? Where is the gem that's meant to be? I'm telling you: it's coming... The weight of the dragonfly landing is all you need. I'm sad only because you will cease to be what I know you to be - chemically the same, but transformed forever, solid in the perfection that comes after maintaining while time passes itself. And this I see this I hear but this I know so I close my ears because it's not what I want to hear you see, I'm flawed unlike you I can't be a diamond you can't teach me that but I still love you and hate to see you in pain although I know it won't last I can't help so I hide, and I can't wait with you because I think if there was at one time at least a fly coming for me he's been swatted. (#splat#) So I'm taking my imperfect elements and sometimes I hide because there's no room for imperfection in nature's realm of diamonds and dragonflies. 020430 ... cole I would like to amend my previous ending I would like to amend my sadness Because I am not sad; at least not sad alone - I give to you this gift; this way I see "the end," and I pray it comes soon so you can become what you're meant to be and I will see you and I won't be sad 020501 ... freakizh cole demanded santa claus or was the other store? 020512 ... freakizh yummy. paula. 020512 ... cole Fuck. Why am I here? What the hell good do I do? I just pretend to help you, when all I do is watch you bleed out your endless heart. I just sit by and watch - not even useful, just there, here, wherever. It doesn't count for much. Now, compared to before, it seems like something. But once I'm gone and she's back where she belongs, you won't quite remember what the hell I was here for either. I wish I had enough callous to leave - to take what others call dignity and leave like a strong woman would, a woman who knows when she's losing - completely, without question. There's no logical reason to stay, except for wanting you. I know it's not the same; we're just jell-o. You expect me to leave, and I can't help but start to go, but I know I won't ever truly leave. I'll stay as long as I can, and when you are gone I will wait. Some part of me will wait forever for you to come back. Who needs dignity?? 021113 ... close your pretty little eyes I once met a guy named Cole. Then, my friend hit his car with hers. That was a disaster. I still see him around, he's such a frat boy. 030922 ... unhinged 'where's cole?' he wasn't even two years old yet the first time he asked my mom where i was. god i miss that little shit. he only gets more devilish everyday. we have fun together me and owen. aaaahhhh...i just want to eat him he's so damn cute. little kids are the best receptacles for my love. 070530 what's it to you? who go blather from