cheer-up-emo-kid ok, Im going to talk. I just need to say things and sort them out. no one has to listen.
alright. Im pretty sure Im all fucked up because I havent seen my boyfriend in 42 days. Im not allowed to see him because my mom found out a whole bunch of stuff. but thats not the problem.
the problem is that Ive been alone in my house by myself for a very long time. and I have no one to talk to. my sleep patterns are all messd up. I dont even get remotely tired until 3 in the morning and I dont wake up until like 12:30.
and my thought patterns are all messed up too. billions of thoughts go through my head for no reason and I try to stop and sort them out but I cant. and I dont know what I do all day. I get ideas of things to do, but when I try I just cant concentrate on them. I just sit around for hours and do nothing. but while Im doing nothing, it doesnt seem like Im doing nothing. I dont know where the hours go.
I dont even know what the point of any of this is.
I think its that I need someone to come give me a hug.
I'll give you directions to my house.
she *would come and rescue you from your silence, but lives in BFE*

Can you leave the house? If so, strap on some fruitboots and work some of your troubles out on the fly.

If not, do something to occupy your mind. Reading a book is usually the best way. As long as you can get into the book, you're okay.

I'm around if you just need someone to listen, also.

phil you just need to listen to yourself
live moment by moment
your eyes staring wide open
get a glass of water
go in and out of the house
but don't do to much tv god I hate that
eventually you'll calm down and handle making decisions for yourself.
I think anyways.
I like excercise better than reading, but whatever floats your boat.
Try learning to cook, good food rocks.
cheer-up-emo-kid Im allowed out of my house, but I live on a mountain so its all gravel. plus, there isnt anything at all around. I cant even go to a 7-11.
and I would cook but I cant conentrate on anything. I cant draw or paint anymore. I have so many good ideas for peices I'd like to do, but I cant sit down and do them. I dont know why.
everything is so god damned frustrating.
cheer-up-emo-kid but Im definately going to try concentrating on the simple things. Im going to try to realize what Im doing when I do it.
lately its been weird. I'll be sitting in a chair with a soda, and I'll think "I dont remember getting a drink"
there is something wrong with my brain.
squint ~god~(*damn!*)
thats exactly how i feel.
minus the boyfriend part.
those things seem to come and go.

i wish i knew what to tell you, but then I'd have the answer for myself and I wouldnt be in this position either. its like I'm about to explode, but things are so mild that its not a possibility. I'd crack, I'd slip, I'd fall except I don't know where I'd end up in the end, so I can't. Sometimes I'll hold myself still for what seems like forever and just think and stare and suddenly I feel like I'm caving into myself....

i wish I had some answers for you.

try to find something to look forward to...lately thats all thats been keeping me slightly sane--imagining what could be in the future. possibilities.
cheer-up-emo-kid yeah youre totally right.
sometimes I wish that I would explode and have a giant breakdown but I never do. things just keep getting worse and worse but never bad enough to break me.
I do hope you feel better soon.
Eleventy Five thats exactly how my friend tony is. he'll stare at a wall for 6-8hours at a time. he doesn't eat. doesn't sleep much. but he doesn't act particularly strange if you make the effort to interact with him. he say's that he's just "figuring stuff out." i think you need some friends emo'd you get stuck way up in the mountain? 020724
cheer-up-emo-kid eh, Ive lived on the mountail my whole life. I live in virginia so there are a lot of those. mountains, that is. 020725
the cheer-up kid Too much perspective can do your head in. I find masturbation works wonders. 020726
Dafremen Stop listening to them.
Listen to yourself and doing nothing won't seem like such a huge waste of time.
cheer-up-emo-kid thanks.
youre right. things arent as bad now. I saw my boyfriend yesterday and now I spend my time thinking of yesterday. and thats better for me I guess.
I dont know.
I dont make sense,
-Sister Magdalena Hagdalena Hoopa-Talka Walka-Tald A good bowel movement is always better than bad sex. 020726
phil today 020729
Emz look you neeeeeeeeeeed 2 get out of your house! you should sneek 2 c him 040307
no reason whoa.
come on, people. pay attention to the dates of the blathers.
three words significant_in_your_life fuckin' someone_listen 051114
what's it to you?
who go