maybe_its_just_too_late_for_me continuous ache maybe it's just too late for me to be happy to be loved to have a normal life to have a life to stop surrounding myself with cold people to stop feeling that same coldness creeping into myself to ask for help i keep thinking about just downing a bottle of pills. i keep thinking about driving my car into a tree. it's always in the back of my mind now, i've just been too scared. the more angry i get, the more my fear dissipates. i hope that soon i'll have the rage i need to finish this. I'M FUCKING SICK OF THIS! 020425 ... -{::ephemeral_arcs::}- ...escape... from the responsiblities everyone put on you, for just one day. only use the responsiblities you place upon yourself. and then..... -FOCUS- all your thoughts into one project, one something, that you would enjoy to attempt to create(but wouldn't be frustrated if you didn't finish it) Then in your new repose of endurance_tranquility_rain stand inside of your thoughts and desires, align the compass, and know your direction. it's never too late. 020425 ... Photophobe its never too late to change everything. turn your life around and become what you want and be with who you want to be with. Its just impossible to know which are the important things in getting there, and what doesn't really matter 020426 ... poetic_onslaught its funny that this would be on here today. i always felt the same way...that its just too late. yesterday i was reading some proverbs and one of them said, its never too late to be what you could've been. im not sure if thats true but its really a nice thought. a few years ago here, an old man in his 90's went back to school and got his diploma. it gives me hope. 020427 ... ever dumbening every morning we sit on the precipice of change awaiting our spirit's decision to slide, stumble, jump, to crawl, scramble, fly, forward or back. at some point usually around decision or indecision number one million and one a new watershed, the other side of the divide, is reached and you still sit and it still rains every morning but now the wind and earth have shifted under you bringing your attention to your heights 020427 ... unhinged pummeled cold crazy addicted i spend my life waiting taking only the action that can numb the pain, never actually getting rid of it. i am trying to get rid of you, but everywhere i look you are still there. 020427 ... littleidiot unhinged... all i can say is... wow. the feeling is as mutual as it can get. 021118 ... my little secret could it be too late? could we be too old? could it be that we were wrong, just as we were told? could it be that all our somethings have faded and turned gray? could it be that today is simply not the day? could you easily ignore all the things you see? could it really be too late for you and me? 030728 ... Lovers Lament so i've got a chance at a miracle to save me, but my first instinct is to turn and walk away. i haven't felt anything deeply since him. where do i go with this love? it just creeped up on me, but i thought it was ok to have since he didn't return the sentiment. but he does now i have a choice, do i stick around to see how this all plays out, or do i run like the coward i am when it comes to matters of the heart? why do i feel so lost in this. it's been way too long since i've opened myself to hurt and disappointment. now there are 2 little boys that i love with all my heart, and you. we weren't supposed to fall for each other. it was supposed to be a casual thing, no big deal. now we're both caught up. i wonder who will blink and have second thoughts first. 050424 ... sab morning always dawns and no matter where you are there it is 050424 ... a chaotic gift to idealism we both know that i live with insomnia. it appears it has fallen under this topic as, when metaphorically spoken of on this topic, i have not slept since we first met again. i have not closed my eyes to explore the regions of dreaming or nightmaring*. i dont even know who is being spoken of. i reply never-the-less. 050708 what's it to you? who go blather from