EECP Hello Cole? Are you listening? 020415
cole what I listen for
and what I hear
are not the same
as the words spoken

and I know this
unhinged he was so sweet, gave the best hugs

called me cole

little kids almost always call me cole

it makes my face all scrunchy
EECP so what is it that you are listening for?
What do you hear?
Or do I already know?
yummychuckle joshua J cole
makes me smile
birdmad cole porter 020426
cole Where is Cole, you ask?
What is it she hears
that makes her hide,
hide from the one who taught her
love and
He's not the one who holds her heart,
but he taught her how it's done
so as to not break it,
as his is breaking

And no, she hasn't been pursuing
another to lick
her wounded core,
the remains of which echo
a time when she could love and feel
for him
for them -
a time when she sparkled
a little

But now she just tries
to lick her own wounds
(she's tired of everyone else biting
her crumbled bits of dignity)

Cole is far away
and it's easy
if she tries
to close out the sounds
of pure ancient carbon - begging, crying from the depths of the earth - for the inevitable: pressure, time... and all that goes into that small miralce that is becoming a hard, perfect jewel.

I know it's painful -
not the pressure;
you can tolerate the aches
not the time;
you have all the patience
it's the uncertainty of the cusp; the question: will it come to pass?
Where is the gem that's meant to be?

I'm telling you: it's coming...
The weight of the dragonfly landing is all you need.

I'm sad only because you will cease to be what I know you to be - chemically the same, but transformed forever, solid in the perfection that comes after maintaining while time passes itself.

And this I see
this I hear
but this I know
so I close my ears

because it's not what I want to hear
you see, I'm flawed
unlike you
I can't be a diamond
you can't teach me that
but I still love you
and hate to see you in pain
although I know it won't last

I can't help
so I hide,
and I can't wait with you because
I think if there was
at one time
at least a fly
coming for me
he's been swatted.


So I'm taking my imperfect elements
and sometimes I hide
because there's no room for imperfection
in nature's realm of
diamonds and dragonflies.
cole I would like to amend
my previous ending

I would like to amend
my sadness

Because I am not sad;
at least not sad alone -

I give to you this gift;
this way I see "the end,"

and I pray it comes soon
so you can become what you're meant to be

and I will see you
and I won't be sad
freakizh cole demanded santa claus or was the other store? 020512
freakizh yummy. paula. 020512
cole Fuck. Why am I here? What the hell good do I do? I just pretend to help you, when all I do is watch you bleed out your endless heart. I just sit by and watch - not even useful, just there, here, wherever. It doesn't count for much. Now, compared to before, it seems like something. But once I'm gone and she's back where she belongs, you won't quite remember what the hell I was here for either. I wish I had enough callous to leave - to take what others call dignity and leave like a strong woman would, a woman who knows when she's losing - completely, without question. There's no logical reason to stay, except for wanting you. I know it's not the same; we're just jell-o.
You expect me to leave, and I can't help but start to go, but I know I won't ever truly leave. I'll stay as long as I can, and when you are gone I will wait. Some part of me will wait forever for you to come back.
Who needs dignity??
close your pretty little eyes I once met a guy named Cole. Then, my friend hit his car with hers. That was a disaster. I still see him around, he's such a frat boy. 030922
unhinged 'where's cole?'

he wasn't even two years old yet the first time he asked my mom where i was.

god i miss that little shit. he only gets more devilish everyday. we have fun together me and owen. aaaahhhh...i just want to eat him he's so damn cute.

little kids are the best receptacles for my love.
what's it to you?
who go