tar_tinted_glasses Lemon_Soda Look back on yourself objectively. Can you tell what your problems are? They say the first step to solving a problem is to be aware of it. They say this is the hardest stage, too. Bullcrap. The hardest part it DOING something about it. Once you stop and look at the big picture you realize that you've known all along what your problem was, you just pushed from your mind because you didn't want to have anything to do with changing yourself. You take the easy way, or should I say easiest. People espouse this attitude like its a good thing. There's no hard work if everyone is doing it the easy way. You gotta do it the hard way to make it count on the inside. I've been sliding through life nonstop the moment I figured out i just needed to put ona show. I went to school, activities, church, whatever was the "right and proper" decision. But a strange feeling would permeate me from tip to top. Disapointment. All these things weren't worth crap because even though everyone else thinks your some kind of saint for this that or the other YOU really know you didn't work half as fast or as hard as you could of. Your heart wasn't in it and you figure if it was meant to be you'd have felt it. Thats where you're wrong. The hard way isn't actually hard. its choosing to walk it as well as talk it where the difficulty comes in. All the things I did felt pointless and temporal because I garnered no satisfaction from being a miandering lazy ass even though i outwardly blamed everyone else for the work. i STILL got credit, and thankyou's, and nice little gifts for the effort. But they didn't mean a thing because I knew I didn't deserve them. They say the work ethic is gone in the youth today, but I don't think so. We're still out getting jobs. its our hearts that arn't in it. The sad thing is, you can put your heart into anything. I'm a janitor. I think my job is a shit job. i don't like it, I've been doing it to long, and I wanna break out. But family situations arn't going to let that happen, so I've got two choices: 1)keep it going and slowly kill myself or 2) go to work with a smile on my face knowing that I'm needed, appreciated, paid, and good at what I do. You may say it ain't worth it. You may say I've got no reason to say any of those things are true. But you know, we define our own realities and if i want to I can see the world and what my place in it as whatever I want it to be. I'll tell you something. It works. People are happy to see me, the work load seems strangly lighter, and even going out of my way for people is a blessing not a chore. Some of you are young and some of you are old, so if you haven't heard this listen up and if you had here's a reminder: We don't control squat. You can't even control your own body(don't believe me try not shitting for a month, see how long you last)The only thing we can control at ANY given time is our attitude. I've seen homeless with a happy smile curl up in her box and say what more could ever ask for and a rich man fume and yell over a packet of mayonaise. Don't get so wrapped up in WHAT you see that you forget HOW your seeing it. Thats enough for this time folks. Keep eyes only work when their open and the same is true for your head and heart. 030910 ... misstree at first, i was getting my indignant on because i thought you were attacking my Slack, but then i saw what you were getting to. bravo. something i can't argue with. at least until i sleep. ;) 030910 ... . . 031121 ... fetal musings why_are_you_a_rainbow? 031122 ... celestias shadow why NOT be a rainbow? it passes the time quite well, ya know. 040101 ... Death of a Rose skeleton hands clapping. . 040102 ... . . 050610 ... Christ without the cross The thing about doing something about your life is the fear that you will lose all that you think you have and have to start from scratch or the realization that you never had anything at all. i don't know which one is more scary but the illusion comforts us so much that we will choose the lie over the truth, the surface over the deep, the death of our soul over true life. I have been slowly dying for so long i don't know what to do. 070126 what's it to you? who go blather from