choir_practice 2 1/2 wise cracks Never be satisfied with the starting pitch. If the conductor uses a pitch pipe, insist on your preference for the piano - and vice versa. Complain about the temperature of the rehearsal room, the lighting, the lack of space, or a draught. It is best to do this when the conductor is under pressure. Bury your head in the music just before an important cue. Ask for a re-audition or seating change. Ask often. Give the impression you're about to quit. Let the conductor know you're there as a personal favor. Loudly clear your throat during pauses(tenors are trained to do this from birth). Quiet instrumental interludes are a good opportunity for blowing your nose or belching. Long after a passage has gone by, ask the conductor if your low C was in tune. This is especially effective if the passage didn't have a low C or you were not singing at the time. Wait until well into a rehearsal before letting the conductor know that you don't have any music. At dramatic moments in the music (while the conductor is emoting wildly) be busy marking your music so that the climax will sound empty and disappointing. Look at your watch frequently. Shake it in disbelief occasionally. Whenever possible, sing your part either an octave above or below what is written. This is excellent ear training for the conductor. If he hears the pitch, deny it vehemently and claim that he must be hearing the harmonics. If you are singing in a language with which the conductor is the least bit unfamiliar, ask him as many questions as possible about the meaning of individual words. Occasionally, say the word twice and ask his preference for pronunciation, making certain to say it exactly the same both times. If he remarks on their similarity, give a look of utter disdain and mutter under your breath about "subtleties of inflection". Ask the conductor if he has listened to the Bernstein recording of the piece you are rehearsing. Imply that he could learn a thing or two from it. Also good: ask "Is this the first time you've conducted this piece?" If your phrasing differs from that of others singing the same phrase, stick to your guns. Do not ask the conductor which is correct until backstage just before the concert. Remember: softer means slower. 010208 ... Casey A lot o fht edumbasses in choir hate our current choir teacher. But he is now leaving. We are supposed to get some asshole from Iowa Falls now. They will all be surprised when this new guy is even worse 010511 ... nocturnal aw, I miss choir practice. I was in a choir for 2 years, in 7th and 8th grades. everyone else hated it. they hated having to stay after school to sit in a room that was too small for all the girls and pretend to sing because by that time no one had enough energy to do anything worthwhile or to even care about what they were doing. I loved it! it was so nice to just sit and sing such beautiful songs, well some of them were ugly and a pain in the ass, but most of them were really great. it was so relaxing. 010511 ... Kontrol No more choir practice for. You should have thought about that before you goaded me. 010511 ... nocturnal okay buddy, now I'm starting to feel stalked. 010511 ... DannyH A blathe too far nocturnal? No plan to scare, only laughter to provoke and maybe to enjoy the fallacy of discipline in this anarchic utopia. I remove my black cape and mortar board and kneel before you in supplication. 010511 ... nocturnal that's what I like to hear. 010511 ... Shugarhi Everyone runs around, acting like fools and it's the day of the performance... 010521 ... unhinged the best part was the daily back massages....oh and the renaissance motets. 010521 ... minnesota_chris Church choir practice. You are in a room full of the coolest people in the world. No talking please. 040406 ... ethereal Choir Practice for Megan... Monday: Concert Choir 10:00 AM Jazz Choir 12:00 PM Tuesday: Concert Choir 9:00 AM Jazz Choir 12:00 PM Show Choir 4:00 PM Wednesday: Concert Choir 2:00 PM Thursday: Concert Choir 11:00 AM and again at..1:00 PM Jazz Choir 4:00 PM Friday: Concert Choir 11:00 AM Show Choir 1:00 PM And that's choir... 040406 ... Casey Who was right about him being worse?! I was right about him being worse! Anyway, fast forward three years. I don't know what choir will be like this coming year. Out teacher at UNI just passed away, so things will be chaotic. 040602 ... JdAwG I don't like choir. I have my reasons. 040602 ... Jess Is hell thanks to Mrs. Higgins! Is hilarious thanks to Chief! 040712 what's it to you? who go blather from