not_even_just_friends no reason unrequited in the truest sense of the word. 030203 ... niska especially when friends was the intent, but the outcome has never been discussed... 030401 ... Alvarny Too much, too fast. Too much to handle. Too fast to think. Sometimes the only thought is only to run. Give it time. 030402 ... niska ok, but i run pretty fast. time me. 030402 ... ItGirl the perfect word for what we are... never really lovers, never truly friends... it's funny, in a painful way, that this is the end. 030714 ... when darkness falls yeah, we kiss and we hug, we have lunch together, hang out and watch movies... we are kidding ourselves... but i't been going on for so long that i don't care anymore and neither do you... i used to have a crush on you you know?? 031225 ... misstree you killed the friend you had don't be surprised at the beast that remains 050603 ... birdmad 'cause with friends like that, who needs enemas? 050603 ... iNsEcUrE_GoTh_GiRl i knew that this would change our friendship, just by having the conversation. both ways it would damage it, but i thought there would be a gain from one option. so i picked the choice that i felt was best, and you seem to be angry at me for it offended or hurt if you're reading this right now then i think i regret showing you these pages. maybe i shouldnt say my thoughts in what really is a public place. im sorry. i didnt mean to hurt you, or offend you, etc. but i got hurt, and i cant even spell that here on these pages. its safer in my mind where it doesnt do as much harm. i wont let this event turn into the other one, the one i ended up loathing. you know we'll never be the same again. but i prefer this to the alternative version of us not being the same. both of us knew i wasnt ready and im glad i made the choice i did. i hope you see it the same way i do, but i dont know if it would have ever meant as much to you as it would have done to me. yes, i'm glad. time heals though, so i don't really worry. 050603 ... e_o_i I am wondering if all_just_a_dream is a link. 110401 ... e_o_i Okay, no. But I dream too much. And I'm a literalist. One of my friends said, "I had a dream that all my friends grew up to be straight" and I thought she meant an actual dream. I dreamed two nights ago that the person I thought I was in love with in December was going to back to Austria and I was in a train station trying to find him before he left. I was crying. The walls were wooden and looked like a ski cabin. When I woke up I was miserable and I couldn't figure out whether I was miserable in real life or not. At first (in real life) he acted interested, or I thought he did, and when we met we would have detailed conversations, but then he sent me warnings that it wouldn't work out because he was too busy, he was leaving too soon. He has the advantage, knowing four languages while I know one and a half (c'est vrai, un et demi). He probably just thought of me as his Random Foreign Friend to begin with, the rare anglo-Quebec specimen among his French friends. I thought, okay, I don't have to be in love. We can be "just friends". But then in an email we were talking about music and I wrote down a Bach phrase I liked... in English and German... and when he expressed admiration for my translation skills, I had to admit I didn't actually speak German. He hasn't emailed me since. And now that he isn't talking to me at all, I feel sentimental and miserable, though a bit amused at the Bach thing. Maybe I won't grow up straight. I'll marry a girl from India who can speak six languages. We'll adopt twin Chinese orphans and live in a villa in Italy. Blah. Typical. My actual dreams are more fun. 110401 ... e_o_i spellchecks and emoto-meter checks ("going back to Austria" not "going to back to Austria". And can I really be heartbroken if I find the circumstances thereof amusing?) 110401 ... unhinged i'm tired of wiping the dirty_mirrors clean i'm tired of the myth of forgiveness between us some things should not be wiped clean dismissed forgiven (i never wanted to be just_friends to begin with) 110401 what's it to you? who go blather from