doze me? asleep our minds touch and all mysteries become inverted... i had a physics final this morning. so what did i do last night? study? no, studying is for those who don't know what the material is. never mind that i haven't been to class in three months, i've done the labs, i've done the homework, i'm prepared. and i am. so i make up this huge put of strong tea, lapsang souchong, real real strong and real real big. and as i drink it, enjoying the unique tangy tarry flavor and the buz of the caffeine. i read excerpts from two monstrous books, thinking, i should be doing this under the influence of some good drugs, any good drugs, and then i realize that both books *are* drugs (drug, n: something that causes addiction, habituation, or a marked change in consciousness) and so i start reading them under the influence of each other. things click. time stops. a hole opens. the books are connected. reality hasn't re-defined itself, the frame of reference has just changed (information is relative, you know). a dangling e falls from one book to the next, observed by one of the characters. he realizes that his life script is as neatly printed out on paper here as slothrop's is in the zone over in G.R. but then, he is now outside of the book. he can read from any of his various life scripts and in a moment of perfect lucidity tries to write down what he has learned. coming back to his own book, his own script which never changes. the reader breaks out his black pen and writes below the final line: the buddha laughed, but jesus wept. i stop reading and go blathe for a while, let all that sink in. i go to sleep around 3 and have Good Dreams. i wake up around 8:40, realizing i am quite late to my final.. what happened to the alarm? set to 7 pm... great. i need a blue book, too. i almost fall out of bed, which would not be a good thing because the bed is lofted and there are piles of books and hard computers off that end. i dress quickly sprint off the the nearest bookstore to get a blue book but it is closed so i sprint to another and so is it so i sprint to the room of the final and i am so out of shape that i am wheezing by the time i get there.. sheesh, i remember when i wouldn't even breathe hard after something like that. they let me take the final, with notebook paper which they say is ok.. i sit in my seat and sweat and quiver from all the adrenalin flowin through my veins, thinking, lesson 13: how NOT to take a final... ok. now its time to get intimate with this test... i think i did ok. 991209 ... miniver There is a strange, otherworldly type of existence, explicit to this word: a particular, sad-and-thickly way of breathing; broken-glass and summer smelling thoughts, and complex conjugate memories.... I might have said, "as though one were between something much more metaphysical than mere 'sleep or nonsleep'" -- or, perhaps, "-revealing- that state of 'between' as so much more metaphysical than accredited." No. No...perhaps I wouldn't have said that, at all. 000408 ... tourist Once, Years ago I worked as a gardener, and one afternoon after lunch on a monday when the Museum was closed and no one was in the garden I stretched out on a bench and dozed. I remember waking up and trying to move, but it was as if I was not IN my body, I could get no response to my efforts. It scared me a little but as I kept trying to move eventually I was able to turn my head. After that it was as if nothing had happened so I got up and walked to the river wondering what had happened. It hasn't happened again. 001206 ... IO1011 like prose, but much less stressful and more fun 040416 what's it to you? who go blather from