beautiful_world_sick_society dafremen I sit here this morning worried to death and sickened to the core of me. Time after time throughout my life, when happiness seems closest, the rug always gets pulled out from under me. This time the stakes are higher than ever. The girl of my dreams..the most gentle and compassionate soul I have ever met in 40 years of searching for such souls on this planet..is ill. And she's scared...and she's also worried about the bills..how things will get paid if she takes the time and money to take care of herself. This isn't a cold...it's symptoms are grave. Out of respect for her..I won't go into them here. But her worry is for the rent. And her worry is for the energy bill. And her worry is for the phone bill and the cable bill and all of these other things that she provides to everyone in her care. And the unemployment situation in this state is grave. And so she worries a bit for her job. And I've been wondering how to help her..when many application later...the best I can find is the occasional construction job. And I wonder why the landlord needs his rent so badly that she should die. Why the energy company needs it's profits so badly that she should be ill and still feel threatened. And I wonder if fear, threats and rejection are the best thing we have in this world to get our way. I wonder why such a loving heart...such an infinitely gentle soul should ever be faced with such things. And I wonder why, in such a beautiful world...with a beautiful life given to each of us, we have succumbed so thoroughly to fear and intimidation. For my own part, I am not afraid. Not of rejection, not of homelessness, not of the cold..not of pain. I'm not afraid of a thing except failing my spirit and dying unresolved. But so many are. And these are the tools of society. It's how we keep each other in line. It's why we exploit each other and call it survival of the fittest. It's why this culture of greed and self interest is at everyone's throat and there is no peace in the world. And I wonder, quite often if we have less to fear from the world than we do from society..this cold, apathetic behemoth that will not let us be. 081003 ... auburn I will be praying my heart out for both of you. Because it's the only thing I know how to do. I don't know what you need or what you want. I just know that I really felt what you wrote, and it will walk with me today, and tomorrow, and a great many tomorrows after that. 081003 ... Lemon_Soda *sips his coffee and nods* 081003 ... Myrra aka WFi I would just like to say that you're pain is being felt the very same way as I. It is actually how many internally feel about society, but fail to get together as one and do anything about it. As a stand strong victim of repeated discrimination and prejudice not only because of my trangendered orientation, but of the way I dress (usually elegant goth) and my quirky personality. I do not fear society, but it seems as though society fears me. 081004 ... daxle It takes some digging, but there are a lot of programs that help people in these sorts of situations. 081005 ... dafremen Thank you all for taking the time. I wonder if things would be different in a society where there was no distinguishment between the people that love us, and the people that the state has legally recognized as being authorized to represent our interests. If perhaps a boyfriend could stand in the two hour long lines, talk to the case workers or perhaps if the father of an adult who needs help could do so. But our system doesn't work that way. It is up to HER to stand in those long lines..spend the time that she doesn't have to spend, lose the money that she can't afford to lose..when what she so desperately needs is rest, and medical attention. Three kids and a full time job don't lend themselves to the schedule and policy requirements of a bureaucracy or of an overburdened network of charitable organizations. And, although she might never say so, I wonder how the opinions of a society which embraces welfare as a solution, but stigmatizes those who receive it, has made her difficult choice to ask for help...much more difficult. I wonder sometimes how this situation would play out in a society that hadn't chosen the days of our lives as its medium of exchange. I wonder how much of our lives are really our own within the shackles of this manufactured necessity. I wonder why we deny basic bread and liberty to those who refuse to play the game. I wonder when she'll finally find in herself the opportunity to call a time out to get the rest and help that she needs so badly..the freedom from worry that she makes possible for so many. 081005 ... LEMON SODA RESPONDING CHECK 081110 what's it to you? who go blather from