untitled_desparation Aimee I don't expect anyone to understand what I write on this page. Hell, I don't think I understand. I want so badly to give up, but the repercussions are so immense, that I remain. I just don't understand what I am to do anymore. God, I just want to give up! What's stopping me? Fear? It's nothing.. It's weak. It must be something though, cause I'm still here to write on this bullshit piece of paper as though someone will actually give a shit. I can't change the world, and it's doubtful I've really affected many lives. So why the hell do I even try anymore? If it's not going to make a difference, no matter what I do, what the hell is the point? Oddly enough, I'm happier when I'm alone - which consequently is when i'm the greatest threat to myself. Perhaps I'm just getting too nostalgic for my own good. I'm terrified about the future - I have no control over it, so I get upset. Being melancholy is like an old friend in a way - it's always been there and it's almost comforting. Everyone seems to think I'm so strong. I'm not damnit!!!!!!! I feel so weak and helpless right now that I want to cry, but I know I won't cause I can't handle having people see me being weak. Is it so hard to believe that I need to be held like a child every now and then? That I need to have my tears dried for me and my hair smoothed away from my face? Is it so hard for everyone to believe that I need some TLC every now and then? I can't help it, I'm human and right now, god, I am so weak. I feel like I'm going to become catatonic, just so people can realize just how fragile I really am. Eventually, they're all going to find out how cowardly I am. I feel as though I'm dangling from the cliff - just starting to lose my grip. Well guess what everyone - my arms are getting tired..... Is it so wrong for me to want to let go? Most likely. 010723 ... dB Aimee, How old are you? And don't worry, I'm not gonna give you one of those "you have your whole life..." speeches. I'm just curious. 010723 ... Aimee I'm 18 as of August 10th... 010723 ... dB Ok, so you are a little over the whole chemical imbalance of youth thing. Once, I was in a cafe having a coffee. I was brooding, very angry and sad about everything. Soem things had happened with my family, work was going really badly, nothing was going right and I had no one to turn to. A man sat down next to me. We sat quietly for a few minutes, just sipping our coffee. Eventually he turned to me and he looked straight into my eyes, as if he could see straight into my soul. I thought he was going to hit me or something, but then be smiled, and he said, "Whatever it is, it can't be that bad." then he got up, put a tip on teh table and left. At that moment, I realised that all the things that were annoying me and dragging me down so much, just didn't matter. When you look at the whole of the thing, imagine everything that can go wrong, then you'll see how good you've got it. So Aimee, whatever it is, it can't be that bad. 010723 ... Aimee I know my life isn't that bad right now.. in fact it's wonderful... I just don't get why I feel like this.. 010723 ... kingsuperspecial I've felt like that my whole life. They gave me medicine. it helped, but the fundemental state still exists. I have no idea what it is, or why. I just go with it, and try not to hurt myself and others. especially my cats. 010723 ... dB Yeah, I go through the same thing. I generally put it down to a state of not liking the world around me. We are bombarded with crap every day, environmental issues, political, social, economic problems. Famines, plagues, droughts, wars. I think some of us it effects almost on a subconcious level. Well, that's just what I think. I know it annoys the hell out of me to hear that Island wants to re-introduce commercial whaling and the like. (this has really pissed me off today). 010723 ... Teenage Jesus brains sure are weird you never know what they are going to do there are however, a multitude of ways to change a brain it's important that you pull the wool over your own eyes 010724 what's it to you? who go blather from