the_loneliest_and_coldest_place sabbie is in this room tonight. the air conditioner is on stupidly ultra high for the boy, who snores gently on the couch and i sit on the net in the direct line of cold freezing my butt off, deleting the emails that have clogged my inbox so that no-one can get through to talk. 010221 ... sabbie goosebumps... oh lordie, i got me a whole body-load of friggin' goosebumps! 010221 ... silentbob this desperate heart this wounded liar this betrayed spirit kick me so i can feel anything at all 010221 ... Dafremen ...is where I find the most comfort. The solitude gives me time to think and collect my thoughts and emotions. The cold keeps me awake, as my thoughts are mind-numbingly dull and my emotions are lukewarm at best. 010221 ... birdmad the place in the back of the refrigerator where the temperature is a little out of whack and the first thing that happens is that things grow green-black mold and then they grow ice crystals because you haven't moved anything from there in weeks the hard to reach place in the back of my mind 010221 ... raechel my heart.... 010221 ... Tank society, culture, the land of the living dispossessed... 010221 ... unhinged *kick* that's for you bobbie i've been rather rudely kicked the past couple of days. 010221 ... L where the saddest little violin plays the loneliest little song 010430 ... L : 010430 ... anyone and a good smoke with yourself. The most critical analyst. 010430 ... lost a tree on a hill bye my house where there used to be a tire swing that i broke cuz i was to heavy for it. I go out there alot anymore to sit and think. I think about what is happening to me and around me. what is happening because of me. i think why am i here. why am i anywhere. should i be here. i go out there when i am depressed and need to think things through. i have been out there alot in these past couple months. its been cold. i always go out there with a t-shirt on. even if it's snowing. the cold helps me think. i stay out until my arms start turning a light blue. it hurts so bad. but its something i need. 010501 ... Death of a Rose ask a penguin 031018 ... endless desire you_are_making_me_sad 031018 ... nomatter the hardwood floors of my bedroom every night 031018 ... breygris inside my head nighttime - even though it's my favorite time because i start to really wake up, and the sky is gorgeous, and the static of everyone fades to a pulse that i can breathe in... but then i get all this TIME to THINK and all this SPACE to FILL, and it just goes and goes and picks up speed and like a snowball down a hill, it ends up this big horrible lumpy icky thingy. so i go to sleep, even though i hate sleep, i'd sleep forever so as not to see this place again. daytime - even though it's bright and sunshiney and there's usually people everywhere.. that just makes it worse. first of all the sun is a pain in the ass, and then people tend to be too. and feeling alone in a crowd is so much worse than feeling alone, alone. because then you KNOW you're wrong. fuckt. and colors mock you, and sunlight burns because its too warm/cold. and oooewww i sound so goth, i'm gonna shut up now ew. 031027 ... no one Maybe you're not WRONG, maybe you still have your thing that everyone else doesn't, because they already let theirs go or never had it in the first place. Being alone in a crowd is lonely but also sacred. When you no longer have that it's like you no longer have a self that's truly yours. Loneliness sings it's own sweet melodies. A song that wraps itself up in your presence and dances under the moon for you sake. Loneliness always feels black or blue, like bruises on the soul, but sometimes it reminds you that you're real. 040716 ... Borealis personally..I'd rather be reminded that I'm real by something that felt like a kiss to the soul, than a bruise... but we all know it doesn't really work like that...how often is the phrase "Is this a dream" used in unusually pleasant circumstances.. blech 040717 ... misstree there are a million mountains in mourning. they scrape the grey skies, but mist is still not company. 040717 ... LS Outside of the clouds; away from you. 040727 ... LS Outside of the clouds; away from you. 040727 ... love & hate my empty heart... 040727 ... Brown give me an S 070515 what's it to you? who go blather from