random_memorable_snippets_of_conversation raze (having trouble carrying a number of things at once) "i don't know what convinced me i had enough hands for this..." "we always believe we have enough hands, until life proves otherwise." 130411 ... raze "history tells me this is what happens." 130412 ... raze "she's trying to do it through her phone." "what, does she think if she calls your fax machine and talks to it, the fax machine will pass on the information?" 130422 ... raze "i've tried not drinking any water at night so i won't have to get up to go to the bathroom every two hours, but then i feel really dehydrated." "maybe you need a catheter." "maybe. i want one that glows in the dark." "a glow-in-the-dark catheter?" "yeah. i'm sure there's one sitting in a dumpster outside a hospital somewhere." 130609 ... raze "the only thing i don't like about these chocolate bars is i wish they were bigger. but i guess it makes you appreciate them more." "they're really a life lesson." "yeah: the good stuff doesn't last long enough, and then you have to take a shit." "exactly. that should be on a bumper sticker. seriously." 130821 ... no reason kid on the beach: "do you want the harsh punishment or the weak punishment?" other kid: "weak." first kid: "no, the weak one lasts for a week. the harsh one is just for right now." other kid: "...harsh." it was all i could do not to burst out laughing. 130823 ... raze "like dave duchovny used to say in 'the x files', the truth is out there." "what was that? the hookers are out there?" "...no. how did you ever get 'hookers' from 'truth'?" 131030 ... raze "where are you going to go once you have enough air miles to go somewhere?" "i don't know. some island, maybe." "you should visit the island of some. 'what have you got here on this island?' 'well, we've got some of this, some of that ... we've got a little bit of everything on the island of some.'" 131121 ... gja "You moved just as I knew you would" "How did you know" "It was as you moved in my dream" 131123 ... gja "You moved just as I knew you would" "How did you know" "It was as you moved in my dream" 131123 ... introductyl "this is worse than any winter i've ever seen before!" on waking up to the year's first snowfall. little do they know... 131127 ... raze (driving past a school) "the lights are on in there, but there aren't any kids." "they're at home, waffling in their desire for ancestry." 131129 ... raze "there are glass-half-full people and glass-half-empty people. i say screw the glass. drink it straight from the can." 131212 ... e_o_i (as a reason to not mind standing in line) "It's fucking Christmas." 131212 ... raze "a lie by omission is just a truth left untold." 140223 ... raze "this is good. you should try some." "i'm talking to someone who once made a pickle and cheese sandwich and thought *that* was good." "there's a difference between a european variance and a kaleidoscope of antiquated dessert desires." 140327 ... raze "i might have to just circumcise the demons so i can move onto something else." 140402 ... raze first girl: "i can't believe there's someone who's never heard of the thunder down under. i mean, seriously?" second girl: "wow. yeah." 140521 ... raze "what was that?" "my ass." "your ass is singing like a guitar." 140522 ... raze "you better hope you're right, otherwise there's gonna be hell to pay." "who's gonna pay for hell?" 140526 ... e_o_i (little boy to his mother, in a mall hallway) "Right now, I'm walking like a criminal." 140530 ... raze "that's a good coke." "just like pepsi." "i hate pepsi." "what would you do if you were on a deserted island and all you had to drink for the rest of your life was pepsi? you'd have to learn to—" "i would die." "you'd die?" "i'd die out of spite." 140621 ... raze (from a dream, but still memorable) middle-aged man: "what are you the best part of?" twenty-something woman: "my mom and dad are in the leprechaun business … so i'm really not the best part of anything." 140716 ... raze (at the farmer's market) young boy (pointing): "what's that, dad?" father (very brusque): "don't point at salad!" (to which i would have asked, "why not? is salad going to get embarrassed?") 140720 ... raze "you're a real caricature." "i'm a chalk outline around a dead body." "well … that's a bit too grim a metaphor." 140730 ... flux "i'd die out of sprite" #dumb_puns 140730 ... raze "a king's on sale for the price of half a queen." she was ordering pizza and telling us what the deal was with the sizes. but damned if there wasn't a bit of accidental poetry in it. 150216 ... raze "she's not a real taker-advantage-of type person, i've noticed." 150731 ... e_o_i Two teenage girls, at a bus stop, saying to a friend that she had "eyes like a tree if you look at it from the bottom up" (brown with green around the edges). 150801 ... raze (noticing a clip-on guitar tuner clamped to the edge of the counter at the checkout area of a music store) "are you tuning the top there?" "yes. it's flat." 150826 ... raze "you did good." "i did a bad thing well." 151202 ... raze "she's very good at manipulating people." "well, that comes with the vagina." (misogynistic and very wrong, to be sure ... but i couldn't help chuckling at the abruptness of it) 160120 ... e_o_i (I'm afraid my vagina lacks the social skills to manipulate people, but my left kidney is adept at blackmail. I try to tell it not to, but half the time my conscience is locked away in the second toe of my right foot.) 160120 ... raze (you're lucky i wasn't drinking anything when i read that, 'else i would have spat it all over the computer screen in a fit of laughter. or am i the lucky one? luck is so confusing.) 160120 ... raze "my colon fits in a shoebox." 160324 ... raze "oh tibia, how i love thee." 160902 ... raze "that guy's a fuckin' dickhead. he's like a giant pimple with a mouth." 171123 ... raze "if you want to build your life around stupidity, that's fine, but do me a favour and keep it far away from me." 180203 ... raze "he's from denmark. you look just like him ... in a way." 201204 ... raze two sixty-something women sitting together. as i walked past them, one said to the other: "john never had the balls to do it." and man, did i ever want to stop and hear more. but, you know, i didn't want to pry. so i'll never know what someone who shares my name didn't possess the appropriate testicular strength for. 210723 ... raze "always looking to pick a fight." "not anymore." "so you're a lover, not a fighter." "i'm not that either." "what are you, then?" "an inhabiter." "what does that mean?" "i inhabit my body. i inhabit the world. i embrace the natural necessities of life. they call it vascular absorption." 210729 ... raze "i've got shit-ray vision. i see shit without even looking for it." "that's good. it means your eyes are open." 220327 ... tender_square behind a city bus with hazards on that's being trailed by a service vehicle. “i bet i know what’s wrong with that bus.” “what’s that?” “the brakes are shot and the bus can’t go below 50 miles per hour.” “is dennis hopper hiding in a remote location?” “being ornery as ever.” “what was his problem with the world?” “does he need one?” 220328 ... raze "well, he's a scotsman, so i forgive him." "i don't." 220330 ... raze "i don't know what my bladder's doing lately." "it's a test." 220408 ... raze "i better finish chewing first so i don't choke." 220409 ... raze "it's good to know the bump is a bump." 220411 ... e_o_i "I'm going to get something to eat." "Congratulations!" (Heard when passing through a hall at Concordia. That sort of deadpan, friendly sarcasm I get - it seems to be a Montrealy thing or at least a staple of pre- and post-millennials alike - but the "congratulations!" just threw me for an am/conf/bem/used loop.) 220412 ... raze "if you can't cause shit, what can you cause?" 220419 ... raze "assholes in suits." "they make the world go 'round, don't they?" 220503 ... tender_square “this is a reminder that shoes must be worn at all times when moving through the train cars.” 220503 ... raze "i bet there's a softer side of him we don't get to see." "yeah. when he has the runs." 220506 ... tender_square “cesar millan is a little rough around the edges, and penny is my fluffy cloud on legs, i just want to cuddle her.” “i guess that means you’re the disciplinarian, huh?” 220507 ... raze "i haven't seen a hatchback that old in forever. what's it like being behind the wheel of one of those things?" "it's like driving a tin of tuna." 220510 ... tender_square "you may want to be careful with the horn; people here have firearms and they're not good at emotional management." "it's not that we're pathologizing them, but we are." "what's a little murder? just a lack of emotional regulation." 220512 ... raze "if i can make people uncomfortable, i've lived a good life." 220515 ... raze "we have different ideas about the acceptability of climate." 220516 ... tender_square “my passive aggressiveness is so passive aggressive that my family doesn’t even know when it’s happening” 220519 ... tender_square from my philosophical_cab_driver in chicago: "there are three things i've learned in my sixteen years here: the weather, the work, and the women are all unpredictable." 220520 ... tender_square “why are you flagellating me with a pair of socks?” 220522 ... raze "is that fire ... a fart?" "it could be." "BURN THEM ALL." 220523 ... tender_square "when you feel those intense emotions it's good because it means that you care." 220524 ... raze "it's fun to be able to irritate people in powers of position." "do you mean 'positions of power'? i think you might have that backwards." "well, i like to flip the narrative." 220527 ... tender_square "i'm trying to get rid of my chunk; it's a melange of lipids." 220527 ... kerry "when i was always in jail..." 220528 ... raze "oh, to be a fly on the fall for that conversation..." "you'd fly right *into* the wall to end the pain." 220602 ... raze (how "wall" turned into "fall" once my fingers got ahold of it, i'll never know.) 220602 ... raze "if i didn't care about anything, nothing would upset me anymore." "it would upset you to know you didn't care about anything." 220604 ... tender_square “there’s this show that comes through the antenna, where this guy paints scenes and it’s very calming.” “is it bob ross?” “i don’t know.” “does he have a ’fro and he’s always painting landscapes where he’s adding bushes and trees?” “maybe?” my mother googles his name and sees his picture. “yes! it’s bob ross! how did you know that?” “because he became a cult figure in the past decade or so.” “all i know is he puts me right to sleep.” 220605 ... raze "he said it was funny, but he isn't laughing. it must not be such a great joke after all." "just wait 'til he looks in the mirror." 220609 ... raze "you okay over there? you look kind of confused." "if you observe me over time, you'll find i look confused on a daily basis." 220612 ... raze "some things have to be done." "some things need to be needed." 220614 ... raze "walker road is a stupid, stupid road. it should have three lanes because of all the traffic. but they'll never do anything to fix it." 220621 ... tender_square “my dog wants to say hello, she just wants to meet everyone. this is her flirt walk.” 220624 ... raze "i can't understand how anyone could think jim morrison wasn't a good singer." "well, that's adam for you. there was probably too much emotion in the delivery for him. i don't think he's a very good singer himself." "i don't think adam's a very good *anything*." 220708 ... tender_square a bald man in an oversized tie dye shirt cycled beside me on the road. “is it seven in the morning?” “yes.” “oh, good! lately i’ve been waking up at seven at night and thinking it’s morning.” he was slow to crest the hill, my steps were keeping pace with him. “last night i called my uncle john and he said, ‘why are you calling me so late?’” he pedaled further ahead and continued to talk though i couldn’t hear his words, save for the exclamation “have a great day!” 220709 ... raze "i don't know why they scent stuff like that." "because people want to smell like the things they're not." 220713 ... tender_square on the phone, my mom said, “i got an inflatable ring for lebowski, because it’s supposed to be better than a cone, it doesn’t block their peripheral vision. this way he can’t get to his stitches. he has to wear it for 10 days." then an aside conversation happened in the background with my dad. i didn't hear what he said, but mom responded, "no, stu, you didn’t have to wear a cone when you had it done.” 220715 ... tender_square “you’re driving around like you used to live here or something.” 220716 ... raze "fucking moron!" "what was he doing?" "he was driving over here like he wanted to hit me." "maybe you're so sleek and slim he thought you were a street." 220718 ... tender_square "i can't get 'sk8ter boy' out of my head." "oh, that's right! you love avril because you're canadian." "i do not!" "isn't she emo like you were?" "i was never emo! i told you, i was a scenester." "but you have a good charlotte tattoo!" "i do not!! if you don't stop it, i will burn this place to the ground." "that's a pretty emo thing to say." 220719 ... tender_square (overheard_in_conversation between a customer and a cashier in the checkout line of rite aid) “...oh, so that’s why you’re getting first response.” “yeah, i’ve been feeling sick all day. something is off.” “it’s best to do it with your first pee, in the morning.” “yeah, i may just get a test from the dollar store so i can take it now and then use this one to be sure.” “well, congratulations to you.” “oh god, i hope not.” 220723 ... raze "wait twelve seconds and you'll see another driver that erratic or worse." "twelve seconds if we're lucky." 220731 ... raze "i'm relieved and proud to say i wasn't that stupid when i was that age." 220802 ... tender_square i popped over to laura's cubicle and said, "it's feeling like an m-16 kind of day." she gave me a funny look. "do you mean m-36?" it's a coffeeshop that's a few steps outside of our building. "yeah. what did i say?" "m-16." "what is that? british intelligence or something?" "uh...i think it's a..." she mimed a huge automatic weapon. "oh my god! that's not what i meant at all! that's horrific!" we were laughing at my faux pas. "do i need to call someone?" she joked. "is this a run, hide, fight situation?" 220802 ... raze "when you use the word 'libel', people tend to sit up and pay attention." 220804 ... tender_square robert palmer’s “addicted to love” was playing in the background while we were eating dinner and brea and i were dancing in our seats. “wasn’t this in ‘dirty dancing’?” i said. she was all attitude from the start. “no. it wasn’t.” “i’m pretty sure it was. you know, the scene where he breaks the window on his car?” “no, that’s not this song.” “i think it is.” brea shook her head dramatically. “look it up on your phone! i’m sure of it.” “i’m telling you, you’re wrong.” brea’s phone was right on the table next to her but she refused to pick it up. i grabbed mine so i could prove my musical prowess. when i returned to the table, she was humming a series of notes without words. “this overload!” i shouted. “that’s the song! fuck, you’re right.” “i told you!” “yeah, but does robert palmer sing it? they sound the same.” “you know who sings it? cassie’s fucking wrong, that’s who sings it,” she was cackling like a madwoman. i pulled up the playlist on spotify. it’s zappacosta. 220806 ... raze "i've heard of passing the buck, but this whole pass-the-christ business is a little more troubling." 220808 ... tender_square "i mean, that doesn't really surprise me given how you said they’ve treated you at work." "yeah, it’s not so much the situation, which i agree is so minor, but rather that it's illustrative of this stratification—am i saying that right?—between me being a temp and them being permanent employees." "that's certainly a 10-cent word for that situation." "ha! did i use it wrong?" "you're going for 'tiered' and that’s what stratification means, but typically the word refers to social phenomena where, like, 100,000 people are impacted. but you know, you're so self-important that it can also be applicable to you." 220809 ... raze "what other treasures lie inside the envelope of love?" 220812 ... tender_square i was limping as i approached bill in the parking lot. "what do you got going on there?" he motioned at my leg. "i pulled my hip flexor doing something. it gets stiff, but it'll be okay." "can i walk with you?" "of course!" he started hobbling along with me; his ankle has still been healing. "it's the walk of cripples," he said, and we chuckled. 220813 ... raze my dad, to an overly friendly bee: "fuck_off. we're not flowers." 220814 ... tender_square upon passing a shop called atomic coffee in royal oak: “atomic coffee: you’ll blast it out your shorts.” “i can picture you at the counter being like, ‘this is gonna turn my ass into a cannon!’” 220816 ... past "his name translates to "king lord'! you can't trust such a man!" "and that my friends is an example of an ad hominem attack." 220816 ... tender_square after passing through customs and immigration into canada: "pepper spray isn't lethal." "no, but it's illegal in canada. here, our only weapon is saltiness." "yeah, but then you guys apologize for it." 220817 ... tender_square after dad accidentally spilled chocolate ice cream on mom's arm and she complained: "one little drop of ice cream isn't going to kill you,” he said, wiping the spot with a napkin. "well, it felt like it was going to be bigger than that," mom began. then she quickly tacked on, "that's what she said!" 220818 ... raze "we rely on farmers for food. if that ever fell apart, we'd be in serious trouble." "lucky for us, there's always mcdonald's. they'll never run out of whatever the synthetic stuff is that they call meat." 220820 ... tender_square "that sounds like emotional abuse to me." "maybe? i don’t know. it's so hard to see when you're in it." "yeah. i remember when i was with sean i used to wish that he would hit me, because then it would be absolutely clear. we don’t tolerate physical abuse from men, but as women we're socialized to take on so much shit." "but that's the issue; isn't it on me because i've permitted it? aren't i to blame for tolerating that?" "you may have permitted it, but that doesn't mean that it's your fault." 220827 ... raze "i don't love the feeling of always being short." "how do you think danny devito feels?" 220831 ... raze "check out that limo." "it looks like a jeep with tumours." 220901 ... raze "he called you to complain about her calling him to complain. that's pretty special." 220902 ... raze "what did she do to her lawn? it looks like an organic std." 220907 ... tender_square "you know, a lot of what you're going through reminds me of what i deal with for your dad--and i think that's what ultimately caused me to stay, was knowing that he couldn't get by without me. i try to tell your father what's happening between you and your husband, and he doesn't seem to understand, and the point i keep stressing with him is 'you’re a 70-year-old man with a cognitive condition, of course i have to help you; he’s a young, 36-year-old guy who should be able to do these things for himself.' " 220919 ... tender_square "i have a sty in my eye...i had to teabag myself." "that...didn't sound great." "i know, i know. i heard it." 220924 ... nr "i'm really going to try to be nicer to you," he said years ago. i would've asked why it was his natural inclination to be mean to me, but that was too big a question. 221001 ... tender_square "watch out for that douchebag on your left." "you mean the old lady?!" "oh, is it? ha! i just thought with the way that car came up to the light beside you that they had the energy of cutting you off when it turns green." "i guess we'll have to see." (the old lady totally ended up switching lanes after speeding further ahead, but she did leave a wide berth.) 221001 ... raze "you know those pork chops we got? the ones that were tough? i didn't throw them out. i tried a few later, and they were good. how does that happen?" "maybe they just needed time to feel bad about themselves." 221004 ... tender_square "you know, back when i was in 'nam, the guys in my unit and i would wish for this—to be around a fire—because it's something we couldn't have when we were over there. maybe that's why i like having them so much." 221005 ... raze "if there is a god, the existence of animals we're destined to outlive proves he's a sadist." 221008 ... raze "i was weak." "i was a week once too. then i hung around too long and grew into a month." 221009 ... tender_square "if i were ever a mafia boss i would want to be called megalodon and be super fat." "you've really thought about this, haven't you?" 221009 ... raze "do you think the turkey will be okay on its own for an hour or two?" 221010 ... tender_square “that’s not an important call; you can wait, brad. he’s probably in a crawlspace full of water.” 221014 ... raze "why message you here to say she messaged you there when she knows you're *not* there? that doesn't make any sense." 221015 ... tender_square "you're irreplaceable; but i'm about to go to into a meeting about replacing you." 221017 ... raze "that's something to aspire to: pain-free pissing." 221018 ... tender_square "oh, here's the union, and here's the law building," one coworker said to another as they both *touched* an artist's canvas during a gallery tour! 221018 ... tender_square "how did you sleep? did the chair hold up throughout the night?" "chair held up; i wasn’t murdered. i slept surprisingly well. what about you?" "i slept very well...probably due to my daughter putting a chair under her basement door handle." 221021 ... tender_square "i don't know what it is with this college generation but they have an obsession with hydration; i just saw a kid drink water from a gallon-sized jug he was lugging." 221025 ... raze "i hope it didn't sound like i was mad at you. i was mad at the glove." "that's okay. even if you *were* mad at me, i'd just show you my ass." 221026 ... tender_square "i don't know how else to ask you this; can you dolly the cornhole?" 221028 ... tender_square "like, should i try and date again while living with my parents? what would i even write in the profile? 'can't have sex under my parents roof, but comfortable with finger-banging'?" 221030 ... raze "this isn't a blight on your estimatory prowess, but..." 221112 ... tender_square "you know they call that part of the coast the redneck riviera..." 221112 ... e_o_i Yesterday. From discussions behind me when I was wrapping up stuff for Sociolinguistics class: "This is the tiredest I've been in my entire life, ever." and "We went to Value Village once, and she was looking for all the bird-shaped things." (context: someone talking about a bird-obsessed roommate) 221112 ... tender_square "if i was ever in a movie, i'd need a butt double." "i could totally be a dutt bubble!" 221113 ... raze "that's a great approach: ignoring the problem instead of trying to fix it." "that's drew dilkens for you." 221115 ... tender_square "hey, does dad have a sad lamp? i thought i heard you mention that before but that he wasn't using it. my doctor recommended one; she said i have mild depression." "of course you would have mild depression...look at what you've been dealing with. fuck, i've got mild depression. (not that i'm competing, sorry.) i've heard those lamps can be helpful...unlike me at this moment." 221123 ... raze "they're probably deeply misunderstood, sensitive souls." "yeah, if you add an ass before that soul part." 221128 ... raze "i don't carry loose_change anymore." "me neither. i carry contempt." 221205 ... raze "i wonder if she cleans up after him when he takes a shit." "are we talking about her dog, or her husband?" 221211 ... tender_square "this is a song about what makes us different. each one of has our own unique strength." (a sentence that seems so basic on the surface, but today i took it to mean that life shapes us in ways that makes us wholly individual, and the losses we experience bring out a special strength in each of us that no one else has.) 221211 ... raze "that's a classy-looking car. i mean, it doesn't look like an insect with haemorrhoids." 221224 ... raze "i guess she's a seasonal poet." 221227 ... raze "you're gonna change the world." "i just want to give you peace and sleep. fuck the world." 230104 ... raze "what is that? it looks like a leaf that farted and its ass exploded." "i think it's just wet dog shit." "yeah. you're probably right." 230111 ... tender_square "i don't know what to wear saturday. i feel like such a sausage in all my clothes." "well, you're not." "thank you, but i'm feeling like a spicy nugget right now." 230112 ... raze "you resent something i've done, so your infantile childhood diarrhea is urinating on my soul." 230114 ... raze "food_is_love." "and most people's cooking leaves something to be desired." 230116 ... raze "how could you still be hungry after all that?" "it's not hunger. it's stupidity." 230120 ... raze "it's a work in progress." "yeah. you do all the work, and they fail to make any progress." 230124 ... raze "could you hold my nuts while i pull my pants up?" 230128 ... tender_square asked as i was modeling a men's brimmed hat: "are you sure i don't look like one of those instagram girls who's trying too hard and posing with a latte?" 230130 ... raze "i invited myself to a meeting, and i'm going to get to attend." 230202 ... tender_square "you see my doll there, what she does?" "you mean how she's kissing the stuffed bunny? it's so cute." "she's a whore." 230206 ... tender_square a brown dog tied up on a front lawn barked at me as i passed. "it's okay," i responded calmly. the dog stopped for a moment, then resumed barking. "i'm a person," i sighed. 230208 ... raze "is that a regular occurrence?" "no. it's a new accident." 230219 ... raze "we'll fight our own battles." 230223 ... raze "who would want an animal that sounds like that?" "some people marry them." 230225 ... tender_square "do you have any need or interest in a toaster oven for free?" "maybe? when would you need an answer by?" "i asked a few people—me sorry! anna is going take it eventually, but said if someone else wanted it for a bit that's fine too." (then why even ask me?) 230225 ... tender_square when a pile of snow fell from an overhead tree like a projectile, it socked me in the chest. i exclaimed, "ow! that snowball just punched my tit!" 230305 ... raze "that's not a very balanced breakfast." "i'm not a very balanced person." 230316 ... raze "i've got an itchy eye. that means i'm gonna get kissed by a buffalo." 230320 ... raze "your shampoo's too good for my hair." 230403 ... tender_square "why don't they just put up a sign that says, 'dissatisfied child area'? i mean, i could've really used that as a kid." 230408 ... raze "blind trust is a wonderful thing." 230409 ... raze "i'm an avian racist." 230410 ... raze "why can't god forgive me for the sins of my grandfather's ass?" 230418 ... raze "i thought you liked being a prick." "not all the time. i just pick and choose." 230422 ... raze "is *everyone* a fucking asshole?" "pretty much." 230425 ... kerry "and that was the second time i drank my own urine." 230425 ... tender_square "they should be ashamed of alien tape?" 230425 ... raze "sometimes you hear things that are more interesting than the reality." "what's reality anyway? just lies that you tell yourself so you can get up every day." 230426 ... raze "you didn't stub your toe or anything?" "no. it's either sore from walking, it's gout, or my foot is mad at the world." 230502 ... raze "you've got the hiccups." "it's because i told a lie." "what was the lie?" "they're all lies." 230525 ... tender_square "i know my husband isn't perfect, and i'm not perfect either, but i'm pretty damn close." 230526 ... epitome of incomprehensibility "This is just like Harry Potter!" in the medieval section of the Germanische Nationalmuseum in Nürnberg. 230527 ... raze "most of the time you can ignore my face, because it doesn't mean anything." 230605 ... tender_square "you can see in this picture how much of the shoreline has eroded away. it's not even really a point anymore, it's a nub. it's nub pelee." 230610 ... tender_square "why can't the automated check-out voice be a man's? jesus, even the woman robots can't stop serving others." "we need lady robot women's rights." 230612 ... tender_square "god, you're a whinny dog. is that what you're going to be like if there's an intruder? instead of barking, you'll just whine like this?" "i mean, if she did that i think it'd be a pretty effective deterrent!" 230615 ... raze "anyone can talk about things that are relevant. i like to go against the sperm." 230620 ... raze "i thought all the tests ended after school was over." "that's when the big test begins." 230624 ... raze "my meal looks looks much heartier than yours." "well, you've got the bigger heart." 230628 ... tender_square "that rider needs to cut his hair. i'm sure those locks don't contribute much to his aerodyami...cicity?" "aerodynamicicity? wasn't that the name of a police album?" "yeah, it's the one they wrote about the tour_de_france." 230703 ... raze "you just gotta put some of that animal altruism in people." "they wouldn't know what to do with it. they'd die from the shock of trying to process the idea of being decent." 230706 ... raze "you knew from a young age that words were valuable, and to stay away from people who never stopped talking even though they had nothing to say." "i didn't realize there were going to be so many of them." 230716 ... tender_square "just in case you were wondering what that noise is..." she held out her theragun percussive massager and it whirled as it punched her skin. "wait, are you saying that because of the sound? are you saying that so i didn't think you'd be doing something else in my bedroom?" she laughed and nodded. 230722 ... raze "it's a deliberate choice." "what's that?" "swallowing food." 230723 ... tender_square "how's camping going?" "fine. we just got back from having breakfast in town." "sounds like you guys are really roughing it." 230729 ... tender_square "even when i'm full, i always have room for dessert." "maybe you have multiple stomachs like a cow, one for sugar and one for regular food." "do you want some of these twizzlers?" "no, thanks. my sugar hole is closed." 230804 ... raze "what would you call it if a possum and a skunk had a baby?" "a skossum. or a punk." 230811 ... raze "either this woman's got a hands-free phone, or she's talking to herself." "probably a little bit of both." 230812 ... raze "everything was there except for the courage to be brave in the face of strong feelings." 230817 ... tender_square "you have to massage the kale." "yeah, massage it right into the garbage." 230824 ... raze "she's fairly intelligent, but she's a real phony fuckaroni." 230826 ... tender_square a middle-aged couple grinded one another on the dance floor as the cover band played. the man's hands ran across the woman's bare stomach and her hands grazed the man's butt as his pants slipped and showed his ass crack. my seventy-year-old aunt tapped on my uncle's arm as the pda unfolded in front of us. "are you going to get a woody?" she teased. he laughed heartily. "i don't think so." 230827 ... raze "an asshole doesn't stop being an asshole just because it's a different day of the week." 230829 ... tender_square overheard_in_conversation with one dollarama employee to another. older woman, emphatically: "that place will corrupt your soul." younger woman, monotonically: "my soul is already corrupted." 230906 ... raze "oh, holy, holy shirt." "that's a lot of holes." "there's a lot of misplaced ideas." 230908 ... e_o_i A security guard says to the woman going into the Concordia building ahead of me, "No torso today?" She laughs. "I try not to carry it around every day!" (And I get into the elevator wondering if she's doing art or something health-science-related.) 230912 ... raze "i'm already older than i ever thought i'd be." 231007 ... raze "the better it is when it's good, the worse it gets when it goes bad." 231021 ... raze "arrogance tends to short-circuit intelligence. it's only a matter of time." 231024 ... raze "he just kissed jack lemmon." "as every man should." 231031 ... raze "i think love has an expiration date." "how do you know when it's past its best?" "the smell." 231113 ... raze "i'm a hate-filled pinata. punch me and barbed bonbons fall out." 231130 ... raze "you gotta admit, it's like a bad tv fuckin' show." "yeah. and the commercials are better than the content." 231208 ... raze "i'd have to go live in a sewer to get away from the assholes." "there'd probably be some down there too." 231209 ... raze "most people lack the basic materials of humanity. it's why they say and do such horrible, hurtful things." 240107 ... raze "in a lot of parts of windsor, the roads are horrible." "so are the people." 240507 ... raze "that's all i've got." "that's all it took." 240805 what's it to you? who go blather from