whore soia it's funny how with the promise of free money suddenly pornography didn't seem like such a bad thing no, actually, it's not funny at all ("oh will it hurt tonight?") 010206 ... birdmad he was on the verge of beating his habit when his creditor suggested this approach to clearing his debt, then it got worse as a result it took a bold stroke and a series of dangerous moves on our part to set him free but ultimately it worked 010207 ... COLDandBLUEkitty when i first moved here and for a couple years after.. everyone thought i was a whore. i wasn't.. and i couldn't figure out why.. i think it was because i carryed myself with confidence... and i didn't care what people thougt. but.. last time i checked.. that doesn't mean your a whore. 010208 ... misstree "art is prostitution." i am a whore. 010211 ... soia I can't explain this thing about me that I've just realized. I have this internal battle between wanting to be treated badly, to be abused, and wanting to be held and cared for. She said to me on the phone last night "it can wear on a person when they constantly feel like they're being judged". It made me cry, but she didn't know why. It's because that's what she did to me. How does a little kid get to hating themselves so much? Part of me always feels like I am worthless. Part of me always wants to be told that I'm not. That night, when you went through all the parts of my body, telling me how beautiful I am, I can't understand. All the things you've given me, even after I did that to you, I can't understand. The kisses, the hugs, I can't understand. You say you still love me. That is why I hope that you just need time to work this out. I know that if I had to choose between us getting back together and you being happy, I would choose you being happy, but I'd so much rather that I could be the one to make you happy. The feeling I get when you're smiling at me, and I know it's all my fault is incredible. But this feeling I have now, knowing I ruined everything, feels more horrible than anything. Once I've made myself into the whore, it always makes me feel like shit. I don't know what that does for me. Vindicated, that I'm getting what I deserve? But it's not what you deserved. You loved me, and never would have treated me like that, but I sought it so much that I tried to convince myself that you had. I was wrong. I hope you can ever forgive me. 010228 what's it to you? who go blather from