a_valentines_day_chronology nonlucid 1:00 am Girl reads internal clock: February 14. So much for sleep... she's just been talking with Boy #1, and she thinks he might like her. Again. She constructs a fantasy world where he abruptly rejects her, and finally gets to sleep 6:30 am She wakes up, listens to the odious morning radio announcers for half an hour. Changes the station for the first time in months to jazz. She gets up and takes a shower. She finds an odd satisfaction in seeing the water tinged red (the possible symbolism of which occurs to her later, but life is life, not an english essay, sadly) Girl takes the bus to school, and does not fall in love in math class. 10:30 am She spends the class half-staring at Boy #2, thinking he looks like an idiot. He finally notices and they grin oddly for a while. She forgets to rebuke herself, and glances occasionally at Boy #1, who shows no signs of being madly in love with her (yet) 12:00 am Girl walks to lunchroom with Boy #3, who laments wearing black on V-Day. They agree that it's a conspiracy to cause pain to singles, and laugh. She abruptly leaves to get changed for gym. 12:30 am She is staring vaguely at the weight room (with many boys), Boy #4 says hello. She discovers he wants to be a journalist, and wonders if he might... no, of course not. They stand around and chat for a while, then realize the teacher hasn't shown up. Her friend and Boy #4 go back into their respective changing rooms. Friend comes out first, they leave. She says hello to Boy #4 in hall. She speaks breafly to Boys #2 and #1. 1:00 pm She reads poetry by two boys 2:30 pm She arrives to her lab exam. Boy #5 is talking to Girl #2. Girl is jealous, Boy #5 is hot. Boy #2 comes out of exam, gives her useful information. All the boys and girls go inside the classroom. Boy #5 says three words to Girl, of french class, Girl says something stupid. Boy #1 says nothing to Girl. Boy #6 acts stupid, Girl talks to him briefly. 5:00 pm Girl is exhausted. Girl takes bus home. Boy #7 is talking to Girl #3, who is holding three heart-shaped balloons. Girl #3 gives Boy #7 candy. Boy #7 gives Girl a chocolate heart, jokingly asks her to be his valentine. Girl does not know Boy #7. Girl says "thanks". Boy says "made with love". Girl says "clearly", in a mundane way. Nothing else is said. Girl wonders.... but decides not to. Boy offers Girl another heart, gets off bus. Girl says no thanks. Girl considers, then melodramatically crumples red wrapper. Girl walks home. Girl writes story. 10:00 pm Boy #8 talks to her about homework, they banter of insanity Boy #8's sig cries of loneliness Boy #2 talks to her of suicide, depression, and the lack of meaning in life, they discuss for hours They conclude nothing She asks him "do you ever..." Boy says yes, I also have trouble sleeping 11:56 pm Boy #2 signs off 11:57 pm Girl signs off 12:09 am Girl goes to sleep Next Day: Boy #2 looks stupid, Boy #8 laughs at her twirling around in math, Boy #1 gives her games (which he's better than her at), Boy #5 doesn't show up to french class, she sees Boy #4 talking to someone near her locker, which is near his, she does not see Boy #7, she talks to Boy #3 over the 'net, saying stupid things, she does not notice Boy #6. Maybe if she liked girls... 050516 ... nor 8:30 am woke up, no breakfast, get on the bus 9:00am - noon no spontanious 'i-love-you''s in the hallway, no one looking any different. noon - 3:00pm, normal again. in a lame pretending everythings okay way. stole a rose from the booth. 3:05pm schedualed to go to the dance out of sheer lack of anything of importance to do. gets called a crackwhore fag by the best friend who'd rather be with her boyfriend of the week who, this week, is extreamly ugly, then help aviod home. 3:20pm upset, turning emo, like everyone else does on this goddamn fucking day. looking forward to seeing the one person that is actually cared about regarding lovelyness. 3:30pm said person refrains from getting on the goddamn fucking fagbox bus. to avoid the enevitable. me. 3:35pm arrive home, no one else is there. take a knife to the stolen rose. in sheer rage chop up the bloody thing and throw it off the back porch. into the ravine. 3:45pm it in my room, lights off. its raining. wet. cold. alone. become hysterical with the conclusion that two birds on a telephone pole is the fundamental basis of whats to maintain in life. 4:00pm slice myself open. all. over. 4:04pm notice the permenantly stained matress. fuck it. i am a 15 year old chick who is very upset. any excuse will work at this point. 4:05pm - 3:00am nothing anymore. 050517 what's it to you? who go blather from