vaguely_amazing unhinged on_contentment right_action right_speech right_life that something, anything in this whole wide universe taught me how to be happy. the greyness of a drippy november, the trees are almost completely naked. the cold makes my shoulder ache. when the outside reflects the inside, it's hard to pick a different side. sometimes i feel like even the weather conspires against me. and then i turn on some modest_mouse and stretch and bend and shake my ass and the happiness just boils over. finding love in curious places. it's my new hobby. 071115 ... pete vaguely amazing that this word was on the front page after i hung up the phone that i was able to make the call that she took control of the conversation and we talked for twenty minutes that i could hear smiles, at the very least my own, in our voices that we left off with a 'see you soon' vaguely amazing 071207 ... unhinged (and maybe you'll have someone to keep you warm this winter?) 071207 ... pete well, not at this moment, but maybe. i'm more healthfully doubtful, but hopeful at the same time. 071207 ... unhinged something about the nature of my doubts of whether i will have someone to keep me warm gives me a tendency to lose hope 071209 ... pete i think in such a process-orientated way. one-off events can take on different meanings as each day turns over. each meeting brings new thoughts to light, and the doubts begin, again, to overwhelm the hopes. the past few months re-orientated themselves, places of pride shifting, and the colours of interpretation changing. i don't know where i stand to see this, but i do know this: regardless of the outcome, i know that beauty exists. 071210 ... p well, that was another pleasant phone chat 080120 ... anythingbutcryptic how can amazing be vague? 080129 ... p because, its beautiful, amazing, somehow that you can't pin down. 080129 ... Imaan their is nothing vague about the amazing things in life, its the amazing things that help us reach clarity. 080129 ... no reason reminds me of "slightly awesome," often said someone i know 080129 ... unhinged oh but it is vaguely amazing because on one hand in one second i'm overwhelmed by beauty amazement contentment love and wonder some days when i meditate there is nothing but bliss but on the other hand in another second i'm consumed with anger bitter and when i meditate something cracks and i weep wept weep weep weeping buddha and god it hurts and just that dichotomy juxtaposition diametric opposition where one day i could wake up with a smile the next with a tear is vaguely amazing to me 080129 ... p its here, and then its passing. it lingers and then wishes itself away. i stand in awe, and then can't feel the magic that held me anymore. in its inconstancy, in the different lens shifting time gives to whether or not it was amazing it remains vague. 080129 ... anythingbutcryptic but is vague the right word? maybe fleeting. or elusive. vague seems to suggest weakness, which undermines the power of amazement. 080130 ... p vague, for me, suggests the fleeting, a rough picture that kinda-sorta looks like something.. but such is language 080130 ... unhinged maybe that's what i was going for.... ;-) 080130 ... p even if it wasn't, unhinged, i've been enjoying sharing blathes with you of late (or at least feeling like i've been sharing them). don't stop. 080130 ... unhinged ditto p as much as i hate the word ditto share and share alike what's yours is mine 080130 ... u24 Russell is vaguely amazing 080131 ... past that even dialling her number gets my heart pumping to the point that i have to put the phone down. it's not like i'm 16 anymore. 080203 ... past she's one of those people whose smiles you can hear and are so infectious. even if that was our shortest conversation by a long shot, it still leaves me vaguely amazed. 080203 ... unhinged rediscovering the beginnings of a beautiful pen_palship 081111 what's it to you? who go blather from