distorted tendencies Just.. beyond words. 020310
Arwyn I have so many words for you. But most of them are so hateful that it would do me more harm than good to utter them. In a way, you've won, because I think about you everyday. It may not be in a positive light, but nonetheless, I'm thinking about you. I think about you when I talk to Danielle, I think about you when I'm in the shower, I've even dreamt about you. Why? I have no clue. If I could I would remove you from my heart, my soul, and my mind. But I can't. Everything you did to me, and everything I did to you is permanently ingrained in my soul, and I can't stop it. I can't stop you from coming into my mind. People have told me not to think about you, but it's not that easy. If it were, I would have done it years ago. I never think of Will. I rarely think of Matt (outside of when I'm trying to talk to kristen and am praying he's not there). But you, Brendan, and he whose name I cannot utter, are thought about daily. I almost think that it's because I was so intimate with all of you. Granted the last was not a welcome addition to the list, but I digress. Perhaps when you share your body with someone, or when it is forcefully shared with someone, you just can't help but think of them. You've given(or they've taken) a piece of you that is precious. A piece you can never get back. Maybe that's why I can't help but think of you, even if the thought of you merely breeds negativity.

I can almost say that I wish I'd never given myself to you. With that one act, I opened myself up to a world I wasn't ready for. But I can't fully renounce what we did that day, because oddly, I can't really imagine anyone else who would have taken it. Brendan would have taken it, but it would have meant nothing. Logan wouldn't have done it. At least I don't think he would have. I do wish he had.
distorted tendencies I just want to say I love you, Thank you, over and over again..

But I'm too afraid.
Kate Stephen. I wonder if your parents call you that, or substitute teachers as they give roll call. You have always been Steve to me. In September, before I knew your name, you were the boy who played the drums in band whose eyes made him look cherubic, and who once winked at me when he caught me staring too hard.
Now that I think of it, I don't know how you spell your first name. I think it's "Stephen" and not "Steven", Tracee and I saw your name on the early dismissal list in the guidance office on Friday.
I can't imagine what you will look like when you are 30, or how your personality will change. When I have children I will take them to the park so that you can tell them about the different kinds of deer and leaves, and I will smile.

I miss you.
Neve I love you and I always will. 030404
SuicidalAngel My first crush in 1st grade. He spelled it Stephen and I thought his real name was Step Hen and then I made fun of him. Whoops! 030404
☺☻☺☻☺☻☺& das my name! das my damne my sd name!
yeahh phlipple no hip!

Alright nevermind. I am a professer at Juiliard. I dont even know if that is a real college I just thought it kind of sounded like a colleges name. 6N$↑╞9♥♠♣♦◘○♠♥☻☺♦♣◘○♠♥☻☺♦♣◘○♠♥

I am blather_pollution hear me roar!


I will smite thee with my Sword of Impotence! Muahahahahahahahaha☻☺♣♦◘○♠♥!

Now for some profound wisdom from the great Confucious!

"man who stand on toilet high on pot!"

Im so dumb I have nothing to say Im gonna go slit my wrists now buh bye!
Asylum Bound more like ste-ven, i get him, he gets me...he's cute funny kind of a perv...could i ask for more? or is there even any? 051107
ivylynn I can't believe you're gone. I wish I could have been there for you. I have loved you and cherished your friendship from day one. I kept thinking over the years that I was going to lose you and then things started to get better. You started getting happier and more optimistic about this crazy world we live in. Then you had to move back...there. I knew it was a bad idea, I remember us talking about it right before you made the move. And you are. Your funeral is Friday and I couldn't be any further away. I sent flowers to the funeral home, I just hope you know that I did that. I wish more than anything that I could pay my respects in person. One day I will make the trip up there to come see you. I don't care how long it takes to finally get there, I WILL see you again. I miss you so much buddy. It's because of you that I met my husband and my life is where it is now. I owe you so much for helping me directly and indirectly over the years. The world seems a little duller now that you're gone. Wherever you are, I hope my mom finds you and takes care of you. She's a wonderful, loving, amazing, empathetic person and I'm sure she misses having her kids around. Now she has you and you're a good person, no matter what you ever thought over the years, you really were. Your heart was always in the right place. I love you so fucking much. Till we meet again my friend. 101013
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