random_stoned_thoughts unhinged so today sucked on a lot of levels. i can't even escape this shit with drugs and i guess that's how i know it's time to deal. but i can't, i just want to fall back on my old methods. i want to complete the designs i started the last time i felt this way. just take the boxcutter and jam it into my wrist like it was cardboard to see what's inside. i can't try to love you anymore. i am so tired of that. yeah, you are an asshole. now you know i think you are an asshole but the reason is totally false because i didn't have the courage to tell you the blatant truth so i told you the subtle truth instead knowing that you would never get it. it is getting cold outside again. the kind of winter cold that makes your nose run if you have to walk in it for more than 30 seconds. a few of my friends had birthdays recently and i realized that this past birthday was the hardest one i've ever had to deal with cause i feel old, too old, but i'm still too young to do anything about it. still too young and afraid. if i cried again in front of you would it make any difference? but i hate resorting to that tactic...it's so...female. it was supposed to be different. you said it was going to be different. no one ever lied better to me than you. 020223 ... yummychuckle "put that face away, I'm melting for you." 020223 ... josie how stoned are you? your hair looks fuffy! how stoned are you? your blue eyes are purple! on a scale of 1-stoned, i'm about a 12 right now.. 020715 ... a thousand ... can you hear me?? I wasn't that high and I hope it was me that was blue. 020804 ... jusslissen2me *I am extremly stoned. The last time i checked i was higher than giraffe's pussy.* 020804 ... unhingedhuman while you were trying to crush me, i held on by small threads and alcohol swabs. i never loved myself but that has always been obvious. i found love and now i don't want to live without it. physical distance is killing me. tell me you hate me. tell me how unwonder i am. floodlands and marshy swamps of infidelity, waiting, watching, breathing, sleeping; i hold you. how do you be that close to another human being? i loved her as much as she was indifferent to me and the rift was dividing. i can't be too fucked up to see her the way i want to, the way i used to. i just want to hold someone's hand. it's nice to see the world is still full of idealists. i'd rather deal in terms of reality. unity is like snow and fireflies. my cultural mythology didn't pass the seventh grade. i'm still sitting in stud halls watching you closely, quietly giving you everything you didn't know that you had. call me. i'm sick of the canadian pressure placed on my atmosphere. i like when my fingers are stiff and brittle with cold. yes i can hear you quite well; thanks for the reminder. yes. i'm nothing. yes i know. thank you. i was beginning to think i might actually get somewhere. 020912 ... SuicidalAngel When I'm stonded I usually think of ideas to patend.. or however you spell that.. First was lighter on a keychain.. I found out someone beat me to that idea.. then it was drive though Subway.. well I guess they have that.. I have yet to see it. Now my idea is to make a tv show kinda like That 70's show only about stoners.. It'll be called "Meet MaryJane" but no one on the show will be called Mary Jane. And basically it'll just show what typical stoners run into. And how everything seems SO funny when you're high.. I dunno.. It'll kick ass. My other idea is to start a dilivery service. It will be a mix of like Wal-Mart with food and cigs.. that diliver! I had more ideas but I can't remember cuz I'm sober :( 020912 what's it to you? who go blather from