trapped_inside_words endless desire she lies on her bed feeling tired. in her own self absorbed reality so tangible in her hand, yet slipping through the fingers. two knocks on the door, late at night. lying in her room, she intends to say, "come in." for she is merely on her bed with her light spinning on the desk, creating patterns on the ceiling. she lets the colours swirl in her mind. though instead of a "come in." there is nothing. her mouth does not open, like a horror movie where you are trapped in one place. she thinks. . .directs her mind. focus, lips move. "Come in." nothing. once again. "Come in!" this time her lips slowly mouthed the words, but not a sound was put forth. she tried and she tried and finally a whisper came in and it said "come in." she repeated in twice and then asked a "hello?" only to find that there was no one there in the first place. she heard the noise and like a 25 cent plot, she could not reply. so she sunk back into her own reality. her own world within herself. coloured lights and streamers telling her she could be someone if she was only a little different. she laughs at all those self help articles in seventeen with titles such as, "learning to be myself." scissors snip as she cuts and she pastes it into the book. only she laughs at the lie she is telling. scratching out "myself" she adds, "someone so much more perfect than i will ever become, but will always try to be." seventeen. another one of those magazines with airbrushed models who starve themselves like the rest of us, but are so much more successful in doing so. 030905 ... Spare Change The words I say are who I am, all you have to go by. Know me deep inside and see I am not just the words I say. I have tried and failed again. You place me by a preposition and put that by a place. You insert me into sentences and add me into poems. I don't want to be written in blood. I refuse to be carved in stone. Save me from the things I say. 030905 ... pipedream that was ex-ce-ll-en-t, spare change. *applause* trapped inside words...i have discovered things i thought i didn't have; they frighten me- how will i cope with them? these days my words are trying to set me free, and my feet are tangled. 030906 ... lilac_air I could not get them out like i wanted to say them and now yes i am traped by what i said. Now i will just have to live with it for i have promissed myself i would never say anymore words to u. I had just wanted to just say ilu and be free For We will be okay. But even that is not enough for i cant really say it with words for my emotions are so caught in them. If i could of just touched your face and showed u my tears. There is nothing to share but words with u anymore filled with emotions and lies of how i will be okay. If u only really knew me and realized i am so much more than these words that i said. I am traped and i canot get it out like i should say it. I wish u would stop me and ask me how I really feel and that u understand me.Half the time i dont understand why i say what i do. Me i am not words I am much more 030927 ... flo After months of not being surrounded by groaning and ever shifting walls of books, i am once again home. I thought i would not miss being a bookseller, but it appears to be in my blood now and for good or ill it is home. Perhaps being trapped by walls of shifting words sounds like a pananoics nightmare, but for me they make fantastic insulation against the outside world. 030927 ... pipedream i love being surrounded by books; its like coming home. and books not neatly arranged size-wise but books just sitting everywhere sandwiched with plants and photographs and art is the way i have it, and i woulnd't want it any other way. books, beautiful books (sung to the mock turtle's soup song) 030928 ... tyler waters "thses words will not communicate these thoughts and the strain i am under" -radiohead 'street spirit (fade out)' 040112 ... f ffffreaking hell what the fuck am i doing here again! this stuff is adictive, it's criminal. **** 040112 ... so fucking lost trapped_without_words 040112 ... Alfred so fing lost Stop fingering yourself with fallacies. The vital life is in the act. MOVE man! 040112 ... so fucking lost even though that was meant in the spirit of hate, i will answer it anyway. i am moving. this is part of it. 040112 ... Alfred I said it to liberate you. Period. 040112 ... f will you liberate me? 040117 ... () () 050613 ... z locked outside of words sometimes too 050702 ... z words inside traps 050713 ... () words fail 050926 what's it to you? who go blather from