constrained
if i could talk id tell you this is me,
jailed
imprisoned
and inhibited
my screams shiver
and are never delivered
i'm holding back
because of simple fears
that would inevitably turn into
complex, convoluted nightmarish realities
020128
...
pushpins eep.
that was lovely.
020128
...
unhinged there were so many things i wanted to say
to you
but time has taught me better
i still wanted to love you
time had not taught me that better
and still your words were like knives
jammed into the softest part of my soul
where sunlight never reaches
i thought apology
forgivness
was good for the fallen
i thought love healed all wounds
time has still not taught me better
and when i held you topless
uttered 'my beautiful bobbi'
across your drunken face
i thought it might mean something to you
time has still not taught me better
and i am rebuilding my walls
silent all around me
wanting to scream your egocentricity
to the world
your flesh in my teeth
but i didn't leave any marks
because i didn't want to hurt you
time has still not taught me better
020128
...
unhinged once again, the names change but the feeling remains the same 090221
...
Phil Dearly constrained,

Perhaps instead of building walls of silence around you all the time it would be more productive to take a step back and see how those walls have hurt you and feel the emotions you have been holding back from yourself for all these years.
Maybe you should try looking back at all those reasons you had to interact the way you did with all those people you met and wonder what effect all your choices made.
Maybe it is time to learn more about things that are bothering you rather, from them it would have helped you out a lot more.
What can you say about yourself that you can change now at this point, what piece of yourself had you lost? What will or has ever changed about everything in life and what is it you need to change about life? Can you change this, does it need to be changed, can it be changed even in theory, does it exist?
How would you even know if bobbi was egocentristic or not because you are!

You know.
090221
...
unhinged yes, the thought that i have no one to blame for my loneliness but myself has crossed my mind much lately. thanks for the unsolicited two_bit psychoanalysis.


(i told them i loved them. i was met with silence, with 'i know' sometimes silence should be met with silence. or i was met with actions that didn't match up with the words. or i ran before i gave them a chance to tear me into pieces of the multipleth time. i know i am handicapped, deficient. it is a barrier i can't seem to cross)
090221
...
phil It is harder to find friends than it is to find lovers. 090223
...
ergo Ain't it the truth!
Perhaps it's related to the difference
between knowing somebody and wanting
somebody.
090223
...
unhinged HA!

harder to find friends...haha
that's fucking hilarious


has spent most of her sexually active life celibate
090223
...
Caroline 452 Celibate = Unmarried
Chaste, Chastity = Abstaining from sex.

You can be celibate and be getting laid frontways backways upsidedown and sideways.

You can thank George Carlin for this one. He pointed this out to me in a book.
090224
...
unhinged (lyrics version)

nice guy finishes last
stepped on
kicked in the ass
skin in my teeth
but i didn't leave any marks
but you said nothing
just like i knew you would
time hasn't taught me better
i still haven't learned better
lies don't cross my lips
cause there not what i want on my ears
your hands tugged on my heart strings
just like they did on other things
but you said nothing
just like i knew you would
time hasn't taught me better
i still haven't learned better
sitting at home
next to a silent phone
just another lonely day
where my friends are all out at play
but they said nothing
just like i knew they would
time hasn't taught me better
i still haven't learned better
i'm still hoping for better
i'm still praying for better
091116
...
unhinged fuck_yeah


i couldn't remember or find the second verse of this anywhere.



doesn't have access to a piano anymore
120528
what's it to you?
who go
blather
from