aneurism kingsuperspecial localized, pathological, blood-filled dilatation of a blood vessel, usually caused by trying to filter out massive amounts of teen angst and trying to ignore half smart drug abusers discussing all the ways they have fucked over themselves and others. 011115 ... paste! much like baked ziti eaten from a grunt helmet, the peppercorn tree deroots. disintegrating, right? ya' betcha. 011115 ... florescent light I had a friend who had a friend who died from one one minute he was taking notes in class the next he was dead bam, never knew what hit him. 011118 ... sandy the first time i trully met my cousin max was 1995 (i was 15, and he 17). we slipped into easy conversation. his philosophy was strange: he told me he didn't feel a part of his life. he sometimes suspected there had been some sort of cosmic mix-up, that he had been "misplaced." my mother asked max what he planned to do with his life, and he told her, "you know, it's funny, i can't picture myself even five years from now. there's just... nothing." his visit ended, and a few months later, i had a dream that someone in my family had died. someone male, near my age. i woke up and called my mom, feeling quite irrationally convinced that something really had happened, worried it was my brother. she assured me mike was fine. then she told me her sister had called at 5 that morning - max had gotten in late the night before, and started showering. when his mom heard the water running an hour later, she checked on him: he was lying unconscious in the tub. the paramedics rushed him to the emergency room. he was pronounced dead on arrival. max had collapsed when an aneurism inside his skull burst. i have never been a spiritual person, but sometimes i wonder if he's started over. if there is such a thing as a second chance (or 50th chance, for that matter), i hope he found a better fit. 011118 ... Puffycloud If it weren't for my horse I wouldn't have spent that year in college. Thinking about this too much may cause one. I've had many sleepless nights due to this statement. 030102 ... megan if i wear shoes, i don't feel insecure. 030103 ... jane we decided that it's how we would want to die. walking down the street. bam. you never felt a thing... 030428 ... cube Are you sure there's no pain in a bursting aneurism? Perhaps people collapse immediately because the pain is so intense it overwhelms all other functions. Perhaps the pain of another death is compressed into a mercifully short time. I suspect the longer the death, the more we'll appreciate the respite. ... 030428 ... stork daddy oh...but wouldn't you all love the kind of death that slowly erases your personality from the inside out, untill you blow away like an empty husk? the smoke from your pyre burning the eyes of those who looked on and now moving on to new lives. nothing is more fun than the realization that your falling down the other side of your parabola, that you're drastically careening further and further from that place where people felt you'd stay so long that they defined you by it. for me...the kind of death i'd like is...fighting a bear or something. or getting a head start and sprinting through 1,000 black widow webs. or be sodomized to death by lipstick lesbians wearing strapons. okay...maybe not quite that humiliating. but something you could watch on tv. 030428 ... jane i think the idea of just keeling over is a little more romantic 030429 what's it to you? who go blather from