babybat i changed so much when i moved. i had to leave everything i was comfortable with, everything i loved, to something so foreign to me. on the defense all of the time...sometimes i wonder what they think when they talk to me on the phone.
by the tone of their voice they think i'm being immature, they think i can't handle reality because of how i dress and act and live.
i'm still just that little girl they knew though. the one that cried all through lunch because of what a dumb boy said to me. the little girl who still has less life experience then all of them...even though it never seems like it.
they think i left them, abandoned them, don't care about them anymore. they think i've found something better.
i keep making promises i'll never keep. i don't think i'm ever going to move back there. i don't know if anyone understands me anymore. they keep making assumptions and i never find the time to tell them they're wrong.
i don't think i understand them either. once they hit highschool something changed. they thought they could do anything without consequences. i know better. the things i lived through with them made me never want any of that petty highschool bullshit before i even went to highschool.
so quick to judge me now, even though they were once my best friends.
blown cherry One of my friends told me, in a quiet conversation, that when she's with her most trusted of all people, when she's with her boyfriend, she sometimes slips into the persona of a little girl. She discussed this with him once and together they came up with the theory that she does this because part of her wants to revert to the last time in her life when she was truly happy. Truly carefree and could trust, unquestioningly, the people who loved her. A taste of a time before her life was tainted with saddness and undeserved atrocities at the age of 12.

I don't know if I subscribe to this theory, but in my own experience, I can see how it makes sense.
minnesota_chris hmm, my developmental psychology class would say that she never had her first developmental need met... being "trust"... if you don't develop trust as a kid, you have to develop it before your relationship can grow. I'd guess she had a rough childhood. 030402
Syrope i do the regression thing too, and with him its even worse...because he's so much older...and he's accomplished so much already. i say naiive things and i wish i could just make myself shut up. he told me i was "too worldly" to be innocent, and he finds the fact that i can manage to look shy (while doing something very adult) "endearing"...and what was that "too cute for your own good" supposed to make me feel like?

the little girl in me just wants to be loved. i'm not sure what she'll stop at to get it
a clever disguise "If you think it will all make sense
Once you're older," he says
"Well, I got 7 years more in this world
And you're wrong, little_girl"
And I look at him with saddened eyes
As if it comes as some big surprise
That I'm going home empty-handed
Like some misbehaving little_girl

But the moments when tenderness falls down
So light
I wish I could hold on and stay forever
Make this my life

"Well there's something you gotta understand
I'll be dead before I'm ever a man
And if you wanna play catch me if you can
Well, I got better things to do Little_girl"
"But you got so much beauty inside
You're trying harder than hell to hide
And I knew if I just played with your mind
You'd be anything I wanted little_girl"

"Not everyone sees beauty when it falls
From the sky
Lands on their head and shakes their hand
And says 'hi'"

But the moments when the rain falls down
On our heads and makes us cold
I wonder what makes me feel so young
And you so old
what's it to you?
who go