ask_ever_dumbening splash of orange why do doorknobs depress me? 020912 ... ever dumbening the sagging energy of burnished brass and cut glass would bring down even the proudest dragon. a pastel stucco wall with late-evening sun is guilty too. anxious expectation wraps a warm palm around this cool crafted tool of turning. the serotonin sapping synecdoche of the knob is no trifle. sweat slips and nothing lies beyond. there are no lies, and no beyond. this room is the room. 020912 ... splash of orange you are almost right on. nice work. now if i may ask you another question: why do i collect things that only bring me pain? 020912 ... ever dumbening )( why do i want my childhood heros to go on strike? why do i invite the collapse, by my hands, by others'? satiated with the delicious salt of war--see, don't you see? i told you this world is shit. )( i reckon - i reckon a lot - i reckon those things you collect are beautiful and well-crafted. an obsidian_knife, blue glass not yet sand-softened, a jagged love with time-release lessons. jars of darkness, sweet and vinegared, and temperate melancholy. stockpiled high to fight off any doubt or debate. they're friendly and familiar. )( above my mother's desk, a sign hung, i remember reading as a child: Children Learn What They Live. in a nice gothic font, there it was. too bad i can't remember a thing. )( choosing our pain just means we know what to expect. a hot leaden blanket: what more could we want? )( 020912 ... ever dumbening i'm sorry 020912 ... splash of orange why are you sorry?` 020913 ... splash of orange and why did i just put one of those little thingamagigs "`"?? slips of the finger can be weird as hell, even when they are just tiny mistakes. 020913 ... splash of orange do you think finger slips and such signify something greater something abstract something anything? 020913 ... splash of orange damn it. thingamajigs there. 020913 ... splash of orange because honestly, how can you have a thingamagig it's gotta be a JIG gig jig gig jig gig jig it's very early and i am turning green. 020913 ... splash of orange spades, clubs, diamonds, hearts, or the joker? and of course i wanna know why, so tell me that too. 020925 ... ever dumbening "Those who speak know nothing" -- Joking, my nature and defense, during serious moments was never warmly received. My heart--genuine, but fickle and doubted and doubtful. I see through the perfection to the flaws of the diamond; though maybe that's where the real beauty rests. Clubs hold little. Furrowed the earth becomes with the spade in our hand. Discovery and change and the rich black scent lie in wait, then rise from the suffering of the blade. The mounds, reflecting the sun where the steel passed, invite the hands and the moisture and the seed. We are farmers and healers, we simply forget to turn the soil. 020925 ... daxle and what when your trowel hits clay? 020925 ... ever gardening "Levon wears his war wound like a crown" -- I feel the tendons tug above my biceps. Annoyance travels from earth through steel wood flesh to neuron. I may pause thinking of the clays alledged as RNA substrates. I may imagine the potters. I may mix in sand, vermiculite. I may retire. Where are those damned worms already? 020925 ... splash of orange when the rust scrapes against your skin, cutting off nothing, do you care?? can nothing matter? what is the matter with nothing, anyway? it's so_lonely. i want answers. i want eeps. 020927 ... splash of orange i just need to add that the reason is cuts off nothing is because scraping isn't digging i mean not usually. not in this case. excuse me while i scold myself for being a dork and spelling this out. 020927 ... splash of orange the reason IT cuts off nothing not IS chriiiiist 020927 ... a real dork you are so NOT a dork, splasher babe. you are a very cool chica. 020927 ... splash of orange kicking herself fuck. my question looks like a question for kx21. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck i want james to answer it only james james james j a m e s thank you james. 020927 ... eep! pshaw! yawp! james hurry up and come answer this before kx21 gets here 020927 ... splash of orange and god fuckin damn it. i just realized that my question is a bit incongruous to the blathe i did about 'rust', because if you get involved with it, of *course* it cuts. aw, shit. let's just stick to digesting the metaphoric nature for now. 020927 ... ever dumbening LEO is GERman, the mantra from chem class reminds us of gaining and losing. Breathe in, oxidize, and become more positive--nice coincidence. Fire, too, is oxidation. Transformations, lento and allegro, all with air. Rust, growing life-like, feeding on its former self, left to its thought-less crawling, can blossom into glowing flaky crystals. My palm then seeks it out, rather than avoiding it. That steel could yield so easily, as I brush away time, intrigues me. Bright sienna skin betrays my curious cravings, my natural impulse to do _anything_ but just sit, just rust. 020928 ... ever dumbening and i almost forgot: "Nothin' from nothin' leaves nothin'" -Billy Preston 020928 ... splash of orange .:.:.:.this is a test.:.:.:. if you can tell me why i feel so content today, i will be *very* impressed. .:.:.:.this is a test.:.:.:. 020928 what's it to you? who go blather from