explanations_and_admittance unhinged you want to know why i can't be friends with her anymore? because twice i told her i loved her more than anything and there was nothing but excuses and the brush off. twice i went for a period of at least six weeks without even a phone call from her. i guess she figured a two minute passing conversation was enough to maintain our friendship. oh and if she tells you i didn't call either, the second time around i knew better because the first time she never returned any of my calls. there was that time she thought drugs would be better than a hug when i was bawling my eyes out and didn't even give me any consoling words but the advice she got from her psychologist. or the time when the only reason she asked me to spend the night together was so that if her ex knocked on her door he would see she was in bed with someone else. or the time she asked me to go to the plaza cafe with her and let me sit alone in the bar the entire night while she flirted with some no-talent asshole. she knew i was mad about it and ignored me for like a week so bringing up the situation would be awkward and she didn't have to apologize for acting like a jerk. she had the nerve once to call me for the first time in a month to tell me that she had used me for a job reference. she didn't even start the message with her usual placating 'hi how are you? we should do something this weekend' but just asked me if i could put in a good word for her. yeah i'm bitter about it. yeah i wish that for once i was the once that she doted over and that could give her the attention she wanted. her relationships were a sideshow that made her the star and she just hopped from spotlight to spotlight. yes bobbi i knew that you showed as little consideration for others as possible but i refused to believe it because that is unfathomable to me. that i could love someone that was that cold and heartless and selfish. yeah sure, i'm a selfish human being. everyone is at one point or another about something, but her ego superseded everything. maybe it was for self-preservation but i see that as no excuse. you know and i'm sure she's moved on; sure she has plenty of people to put her at the center of attention and plenty of girls to make out with in crowded bars so guys think she's cool because she's bi. it was never about me. that is not the way i am. that is why it took me so long to say 'fuck her' and move on. she knew that i would have done anything to make her smile but she played that out a little too far. i can't smile anymore. it hurt me too much. i pulled too many heart strings. which was my fault, true, because as she said i should have known that she showed as little consideration for other human beings as possible, so i should have never allowed myself to fall in that hole. love knows no bounds. people die everyday for love. she almost killed me. so if you want to hang out with her, if you want to be her friend, that's cool and that's why i haven't said anything before now because my opinion of her should have nothing to do with your opinion of her. i can be in the same room as her. but i can't promise i will be happy. 020619 ... god she sounds like a cunt to me. 020619 ... unhinged i will not lie i will not pretend strong feelings run deep but i'm shining my light on it instead_of hiding in the darkness 140527 what's it to you? who go blather from